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搞笑英语短剧剧本篇一：英语搞笑短剧剧本-西游记
Beat it!
人物：T:唐僧 陈鹏 M:孙悟空 陈中良 P:猪八戒 李涛 S:沙僧 魏涛 X:白骨精原型 李鹏程 X1:白骨精变成的男人
X2:白骨精变成的女人 刘佳佳 Q:女儿国王后 徐静静
T: Wow…,boys,this place looks beautiful. where we are now?Does any one of you young men know what this place is?
众徒弟们摇头，除了八戒在看书。
T: bajie, give me the map(不回头，懒洋洋的问)
T:bajie? Give the map to me!（严肃的问）
T：bajie! Give the fucking……..(转过身看到八戒在看书)
T:(很吃惊) hey！bajie，you are making youself a new man.what kind of book are you reading? Is it 《jingangjing》 or 《dabeizhou》?
八戒依旧看书，不理睬。
T:(凑过去)let me have a look at it!
八戒才注意，赶忙藏书。但为时已晚，T一把抢过。发现是封面女郎很惹火，眼神立刻变得温柔，接过书开始看
T：yao….xi…..(流口水，八戒看到，拿出卫生纸给唐僧擦，唐僧回过神来)
T:（转身训斥八戒）how many times I have told you! You are not supposed to read this kind of book! I will keep it for you until the trip is end…..(唐僧将画册掖到衣服里)
P:But..um,why boss,why you always said we can never touch girls?I just do not understand…
T:（sigh），how many times I have to tell you ,That is because…
(唐僧摆出一个酷酷的动作，一边跳舞，一边开始唱歌，Jackson的dangeous) ………
P:I know
T:Monkey,I am hungry.Go and get me some food….Shaseng,you go feed the horse. (声音放低)and I think it is the time for me to call my little honey pony(甜蜜的，一边掏出手机，回头看到八戒在身边) hey！pig, get out of here !give me some private space!
唐僧开始给Q打电话
T:hi..how you’re doing(不解释….)
Q:I am fine,but I miss you.Since you left,I can not stoping recalling the days we are together..but you do not even give me a call
T:oh darling….i am sorry.these boys are so gaush,it is not convenient to phone you.But you know I love you…oh…they are back! Fuck u boys,can you give me a moment of peace…
M:who you are phoning,boss?
T:er (支支吾吾的)I was just having a chat with Budda. where is my food? M:here! I found some delicious bananas!
T:bananas again?! How many times I have told you!i am a monk, not a monkey! I want meat, meat(加重语气)！don’t you understand? The next time,you still brings me nothing but bananas, I think we can do nothing but
eat your buddy pig(眼睛瞄向八戒，流口水)
（T拿起手机）
T:I will call you later，honey，I miss you
Q:me too,I will be on the phone,bye…
唐僧拿着香蕉，从衣服里掏出画册，做到一边边吃边看，边擦嘴…..
白骨精上场
X;Hahahaaa…I heard that any monster eating master tang will get a infinite life.how lucky am I,they are in my area.Wow,I get to come up with a plan. Ehn…..get it! i can pretend to be a poor man,so they will trust me.haha……change change……
转了几圈，变成了一个男人。
X1:I look great!
蹒跚的走过去
X1:hello,master..i have not have food for days….can you give me some?
T(瞄一眼，继续吃、看)what? i myself is starving now.out of here, you bastard! Pig,beat him,get him out of here.
M正好回来 将它打死.
T：er…..悟空，I told you to get him out of here,not beat him to death….. Next time don’t do this kind of thing(摇头但继续吃，看书)
M: whatever, all right(懒得解释)
（悟空看到美女画册，急忙凑上去看，师傅把画册上下左右移动，悟空随之移动，师傅发现了，开始说：）
Ah, wukong ,you want to have a look at it,aren’t you ,If you want to just tell me, I will give it to you, if you don’t tell me how can I know that you want to
have a look at it, even if you think in your heart that you want to have a look at it, if you don’t tell me, I still do not know that you want to have a look at it…….(悟空早已痛苦不堪，逃离此地)
T：wukong！come back！（唐僧摇摇头,继续看书)
X:（看到画册）ah…..I got a idea!
变成了一个女的
说话一定要嗲
X2:（曼妙的走过来，碰一下唐僧，唐僧不转头：leave me alone.x2有碰一下，唐僧依然不转头：I said leave me alone.这时，x2开口说话）
X2:hi….Mr handsome!
T:（转头）wow…hi beauty!（扔掉画册，背景音乐响起，only you，神情对视，过会儿）come here,do you want some food？take some bananes。 i am tang seng,you can call me Tanny
X:hi Tanny…you look great,maybe we can have some time together alone T:yeah,you are right, what are we waiting for?! Let us go!
(半路碰到悟空，悟空火眼金睛看出是妖怪)
M:Monster!!look at how I beat you….
（唐僧赶忙拦住）
T:what you are doing,you bastard monkey!this beautiful lady is my guest, M:boss,it is a monster,he change himself into a charming girl so as to attact you.he will eat you
T:bullshit!you must be fed up with this trip to west…..
（悟空执意要打，唐僧苦劝不听）
T：I think you little monkey need some punishment(摆姿势，要念咒语) M：（赶忙说）oh,no, master,not that spell.
Q:(sigh)it is so late!(念咒，喜洋洋美羊羊灰太狼红太郎，别看我只是一只羊……悟空落荒而走)
T安慰x2之后，继续走，一段路之后：
X2:hahaha…..look at who I am （变回原样，唐僧大喊救命）
.X2：i will eat you….
Q及时赶来，从悟空那里得知了情况
Q:monster!...stop！he is my man....
（转向T）you get attracted by this ugly monster,are you gay?（不可思议的） T：no, I am not！(有口莫辩)
Q（面向x）：who are you?
X:I am baigujing….and you？
Q:doesn’t matter.i will finish you（举起魔杖，要说阿瓦达索命，突然停住）Oh…but you look familiar….you are xiaobai?
X:you are小小？ it must been hundreds of years since the last time I met you,where have you been these years.
Q:why do not contact me?
X:I do not know your number…..
this is your man?!
Q:how could it be possible(走过来，把唐僧拨拉到一旁)..i miss you，小白
搞笑英语短剧剧本篇二：搞笑英语话剧剧本
搞笑英语话剧剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》
搞笑7人剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》
演员表：西门吹雪、叶孤城、花满楼、king、路人、上官雪儿
旁白
道具：牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。
第一幕：决战紫荆城之颠
旁白：A quiet village is covered with white snow .
Birds are dancing in the cold .
A man is walking along the street ,step by step .
Wind is coming in silence.
Another mysterious man approaches .
Y与X相遇．
X：oH ,I am sorry to knock you !
Y:, Never mind baby.
X:Excuse me， who are you on earth? Could you tell me your name?
Y:,I won’t change my name! no matter what happens. I’m the most famous——-YeGucheng. Who are you?
X:Iamximenchuixue.
Y惊讶:Ar, ximenchui xue?the best MartialArts?
X:Great, you know me !Today is your dead date!
Y抱腿：Please, please…… Don’t kill me! Let me go!
X:No, I must kill you !
Y:I don’t want to be killed. There are a eighty-year-old mother and a three-year old son to be looked after by me!
X:No way! Because we are fighting now ! you know ?
Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don’t force me!
X:Pardon!
(Y拿出一袋牛奶)
X抢过牛奶:milk, very good ! I like drinking it. How do you know that?
Y:please drink it!
X喝完牛奶:Thanks,
Y:Do you still want to kill me ?
X:Sure, must! Milk is milk.
Y(恼怒+冷酷):Very good ! very good ! I hope you will not forget what you said!?
X:I’m sure I won’t!
Y:I must give you a lesson ! If I don’t beat you this time, you’ll never behave properly ! 3-2-1!
X捂着肚子，蹲下（做痛苦状）：Oach,Oach !
Y大笑：HaHa……the milk is exceed the time limit
（一人路过，x起身跑过去）
X可怜状: excuse me! Help , help , Where is the washroom?please ,tell me .
Y:Oh,I see ,go along this street and turn right when you see a corssing road!
X:Thanks,byebye.
Y:byebye (以胜利者的语气，转头,看见 花满楼)
Y:Who are you?
H:Hua—man—-lou! Have you seen ximenchuixue?
Y:Yes, he was beaten by me and is in “WC” .
H惊讶:Now you are the best in the world !
Y:You are right !
H:Teriffic ! you are the one my king looking for ! do you want join in us? If you follow my
king,he will give what you want.
Y:Yes,It’s very good.
H:Ok, follow me, Let’s go to see my king!
第二幕：无间道
H:My dearest ! let me introduce yegucheng to you! （指Y） this is yegucheng.
K:sit down plese, yegucheng.
Y:excuse me,I have a question.will you give me what I want just if I follow you?
King:yes,I will.
Y:That’s good. Can you give me a MM ?
K:of couse.You are the one who has the similar taste with me! Hahaha……
Y:of course.
美女出场
M:hello，帅锅..
K: this is shangguanxueer.ok,now let’s have a ritual.
H走到Y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，H神甫状:Yegucheng! Do you want to follow my king no matter
what happens such as cold headache , poor ,rich?
Y: Yes,I do.
K: Huamanlou, come . put the ring on his finger!（音乐停）
X唱着上:(看到戒指) this ring should be mine!
K:But who are you ? why should it belong to you?
Y急切: king! Dear king ! I must go now , my brother is looking for me.
X冷酷:yegucheng! Come here ! I want to tell you something!
Y抱X的腿:old brother ! Forgive me!
X:Forgive you? Why ?
Y: Once there was a chance before me , I lost it . If the god give me another chance, I’ll tell
you “ I love you ” , If the remustbea limited period,I hope it is thousand year!
X:You shall cheat me ! all you did are wrong ! how can you tell me the lady’s “WC”! Y:I like going lady’s WC .I……I……I think that you like what I like.(Ｙ又拿出一袋牛奶)
X:milk?I love you.
K:Don’t say that “you love me”. I’ll kill you for you saying dirty word to me !
X:What? (侧耳装着听不到) You—kill—-me?come, come…(Ｘ上去抓住K)
K:Fuck you. I must kill you!
X:How can you kill me? haha……
Y:Let me have a try! 3-2-1(X捂着肚子，蹲下)
M: oh,what happened?（看着X，做惊吓状）are you ok?（跑
到西门吹雪身边）
Y :do you want to go to wc?
X:Yes,I……I…… do.
Y:haha, the milk was added 三聚氰胺 beyond standards.
M: you , stupid , bad behavior ! go away !
K; why ? why do you help him ! who actually are you ?
M: actually,I’m a spy sended by LuXiaofeng,and I fell in love with ximenchuixue. K惊讶: !you—you—You are X’lover?
Y: do you know, you are the first person who cheated me ! I hate you .(轻声说)let me tell you,Ｘwill die.
M扑倒在Ｘ的身边：Ｘ,do’t die ,you should be alive ,there are much hope in the future and
tomorrow is a good beginning !
K:what a moving story ! I was impressed ! Y:life is a progress ,but it is depressed that it can not resume !
M: life is a progress ,and it is delight that it needn’t resume !
(M忽然将一把匕首插进Y的心脏，Ｋ吓跑.音乐《再见，警察》起)
Y痛苦状:I never anticipate you treat me by this ,why?tell me why?(Y死，音乐停)
（X咳，H扑到身边，电影《我的父亲母亲》原声音乐起）
M: X , oh , no ,you can’t die ,we will go home together .
X:go home ! ?
M:Tomorrow is another day ! even you have the last second to live ,you should be alive ,not only for me , but for our love.
X: promise me,you’ll get on well,and you’ll never let go.
M I promise . I will never let go（X死） ,
M: be alive !yeah , be alive ! be alive without ahendance !
搞笑英语短剧剧本篇三：搞笑英语话剧剧本
搞笑英语短剧剧本篇四：孔雀东南飞--英语搞笑短剧剧本
焦仲卿johnny(j for short)
刘兰芝lunch(l for short)
焦母johnny’s mother(jm for short)
刘母lunch’s mother(lm for short)
太守之子mayor’s son(ms for short)
强盗burglars(a b and c)
prologue 序幕
(j作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,j被打中,狼狈不堪)
j:everybody says that i’m hen pecked, but in fact,i’m a strong tiger,(小声)while my wife is wusong.
译：人人都说我怕老婆，实际上我是老虎，（小声）我妻子是武松。 (指着上台处的门大声道)i’m not afraid of you!
译：我才不怕你呢！
(内砸出一脸盆,j接住当成盾牌护着头)then, i’m afraid of whom! my wife lunchi is the most famous woman in the neighborhood. she is braver than me, smarter than me and stronger than me .all this i do not care. i only want her to be tenderer than me. but she is not! having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!
译：谁怕谁啊！在邻里中，我妻子是最有名气的。她比我勇敢、比我聪明、比我强壮。我也不在乎这些。我只觉得她该对我温柔些，但是她却不懂温柔！有这样的太太就像活在地狱中啊！
(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中j)
my god! who can help me?(下)
译：我的天！谁来救救我啊？
act1 第一幕
(序幕结束时,jm作窃听状)
jm(拄拐棍上):i can!
(对门内)lunch! lunch! where are you?
l(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):i’m here! what’s up ，mum?
jm:i have told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law”.
l:ok.my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law, what’s up?
jm:since you married my son you have behaved so badly. you have been so rude, so brusque,so lazy……
l:but……
jm:never interrupt me!
l:never interrupt me! since i married your son, that terrible johnny, i have been working hard all day long, cooking and washing. i have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chicken and……
jm: but all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson!
l(生气地挥动着锅铲):oh, you want a grandson, don’t you?(开始解围裙)go and ask your son. i’m leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在jm的脸上,下)
act2
(lm坐在台上打毛线,l拿着锅铲上)
l: mum, i’m back!
lm: you are back?why? what happened?
l:i was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.
lm(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):see! i have already told you! when you insisted on marrying that terrible johnny, i told you that he is ugly, stupid and poor, but you did not listen to me. look at yourself……
l: but, mum……
lm: never interrupt me!
l: mum, i’m not interrupting you. i just want to tell you that you are always right ok? And i’ll marry whomever you want me to.
lm(大喜): nice girl! just now, i met the mayor’s son in the market. he said, “if your daughter haven’t been married, i really really want to marry her!” now you are free again, i ’ll go and tell him.(下)
l(惊愕): what? the mayor’s son? the most famous playboy in the neighborhood? (手中的锅铲掉在地上)what a silly thing i have done!(下)
act3
(j睡眼惺忪上)
j(边走边道): lunch! lunch! where are my socks?(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)here they are!(闻一下) er! how smelly! they are still dirty! (突然想起)lunch has gone! i have to wash them myself. (他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)oh, i’m so hungry! but there’s no breakfast!(捡起地上的围裙)this is what lunch always wears! i miss her so much, and her excellent cooking skill! Now she has gone. i have to cook for my mother and myself.
jm(上): where’s my breakfast? where’s lunch? hasn’t she got up yet?
j: mum, can’t you remember? lunch has gone!
jm(沉吟片刻): well, to tell you the truth johnny, a son without a wife is useless. lunch is a nice girl, go and take her back!
j(立正敬礼): yes madam!
act4
(j开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)
a: hey you! stop and listen to us!
the road is built by me!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)
b: and i planted one tree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)
c: if you want to go by this street---(欲踩石头，但踩到了a的脚)
ab&c: give us all your money!
j(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):is 1mao enough?
(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)
a: what bad luck! this guy is broken!
b: if we cannot rob any money today, we will have nothing to eat tonight!
c: i heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry miss liu lanzhi next month. we can go and rob the wedding!
a&b: good idea!
j(惊讶): what? what? lunch is going to get married? it’s impossible!
ab&c: why? a pretty girl and a rich man, what a good couple!
j: but lunch is my wife! we haven’t got divorced yet!(突然有了主意) i’ve got an idea! you are going to rob the wedding, don’t you? i’ll go with you. you take the money and i take the bride.
b: have you got any experience?
j: no. but i’ve got this!(j脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000) act5
(转眼已到了婚礼之期．ms意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，j盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)
(j和三强盗跃至台中)
abc&j: hey you! stop and listen to us!
a: the road is built by me!
b: and i planted one tree.
c: if you want to go by this street---
j: give us all your money!
(l听到j的声音，掀起了盖头)
l(惊喜万分): johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到j的身边并躲到了的身后)
(ms大怒，挥拳向j打来．j矮身一躲，ms打中了j身后的l，l晕倒) j(火冒三丈): how dare you beat my wife!（挥拳向ms冲去）
(j与ms混战，jm上，以拐杖击晕ms)
(j将ms胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前) j(扶起l，关切地问):honey, how are you? l(哭状): i hurt a lot!
j: don’t cry baby. i’ll go and fetch the medicine. (下) l(起身去追):wait for me! (跑下)
搞笑英语短剧剧本篇五：英语搞笑短剧剧本
三打白骨精
Three Times’ Beating Monster
人物：T唐僧S：孙悟空 E：猪八戒
J：沙僧
B：白骨精（何平） B1：B变成的村姑 B2：B变成的太婆B3：B变化成的老头 T: Emitofo,do you know where we are now?
S: Bajie,map!
E: (摸出，递给S)
S: Look,boss (凑近T)………（T、S一齐转向E）
T: Bajie!How Many times I have told you, don’t bring these pictures of beautiful girls!
E: Oh, boss!Forgive me(伸手拿回)
T: (缩手)I’ll keep it for you until we reach the west
E: But……
T: Emitofo,nothing is lust,lust is nothing! Map?
E: (递)Here.Em…… we have arrived in White Tiger Mountain!Ah I can’t walk on any more!(坐)My stomach doesn’t allow So.
S: Fat Pig!
E: Monkey,if you dare to say these two words once again,I will ,I will………. S: You will what(凶相)?
E: (软禁)I will help you catch fleas(跳蚤).
S: Hm!
T:（轻咳）Wukong,factually,I am a bit hungry Could you go to get me some food?
E: You see , boss is hungry,too!
T: Baijie!Don’t forget who ate my last meal!
J: But boss,if a monster comes while brother monkey is away….. T: Em…….It is a problem.Wukong,do you have any idea?
S: No problem!(安装)（B已躲在一旁偷看）
J: This is…..?
S: Electric net!I have learnt the energy of electricity from boss’s books. So I made this. No monster can approach you if you stay in it!
T: Em……Wukong, you are becoming more and more scientific! Emitofo, knowledge is power!
S: Bye!(走)
T: Let’s play cards!(三人开始打牌)音乐《斗地主》
B: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.(变成B1)
B1: (接近三人，望着)Can I join you?
J: I’m sorry,lady. We are playing Fighting Against landowner and three people are enough.
B1: (在一旁观看)Oh,Chance! Bomb!
T: Bomb?(打出)
B1: Double King!
T: Oh….I win! Em……,Lady,you are a boss-hand. Come in and teach me!(准备开电网门)
S: (回来，看见B1)Oh,monster!(上前就打)
B1: （倒)Ah……
T: (气愤)Wukong! Look what have done! She is my teacher!
S: She is a monster!
T: Nonsense!(深呼吸)
S: Oh,please don’t……
T:It’s too late!(唱)Once more……you open the door…(泰坦尼克主题曲，走音离谱)
S: Please,Please,oh,no……(痛苦抱头)
T: (呛住，咳)Wukong,I’m disappointed with you!
B: (真身出现)Hm!Sun Wukong, I’ll teach you a lesson!(变成太婆) B2:Hello,have you seen my daughter?
T: Daughter?...(连忙挡住地尸体)No,sorry!(陪笑，B2想看后面是什么，T挡) S: （咬牙切齿）You monster, I’ll beat you into hell!(S追打B2,B2躲至T身后，S打，不想打到T头，T晕，S再打死B2)
E&J: Are you Ok, boss?(扶T)
J: Look,(伸食指)how many?
T:Two…..(晕乎乎地)Sun Wukong, game over!(变成B3)
B3: (看到B1,B2尸体)Oh….,my daughter, my wife! Who did it?!!(哭喊) S: I’ll kill you, monster!(打)
T: （想阻止，未及）You,you.....(险些晕，E,J扶住 )You have killed three lives! S: No,they are not human beings!They are created by monster! T: Monster?You are a real monster!Never let me see you,go!!
S: (悲，离去)（音乐，营造 “假”悲伤气氛）《人鬼情未了》
J: boss, brother Monkey is.......
T: Don't mention that guy any more!
B: (出现) Ha,ha,ha!(三尸体B1,B2,B3在B招手后“飘”走)
T: （惊）You are......
B: How foolish you are ,Mr Tang!(E,J去阻斗，被击退)
B: (抓住T)I'll enjoy your meat and blood,ha,ha......
S: (悄悄走到B后，打B,B晕)A thousand years later.
T: Wukong?
E: Oh,Brother Monkey!
J: Our hero is back!
T: I,I can't understand......What happened?
S: Boss,your IQ needs increasing! This monster changed its appearance into three shapes in order to cheat you!
T: How,how did you find out?
S: (沉默).......Monkey's intuition(直觉)
T: Wukong(S不理T)I admit my mistake this time(S仍不理)I'm sorry(小声) S: What?
T: I'm sorry.
S: Em? Louder,please?
T: I......am......sorry.....(S 捂耳)（音乐响）《敢问路在何方》（这个放伴奏） (谢幕)
搞笑英语短剧剧本篇六：搞笑英语话剧剧本.1doc
搞笑英语话剧剧本《 荆珂刺秦王》 旁白(Aside )/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous sword
搞笑英语话剧剧本《 荆珂刺秦王》
旁白(Aside )/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman剑客 and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.
Action I
太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众） I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister?
阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming.
太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!
阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）
太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?
阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.
太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?
阿三：Yes.
Action II（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）
荆轲
Are you Li mochou?
李莫愁
Yes.
荆轲
OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.
李莫愁
Are you challenging me?
荆轲
Off course! 耸耸肩表示同意
莫愁
Come on!
音乐起
两人冲上前来
“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。。。” 李莫愁倒地
荆轲大笑
李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?
荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person. Don't we? Do we? （赢
一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）
李莫愁：Momma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you're gonna get." I got it, Momma is right. 轲再次大笑
太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?
太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?
荆柯：Sure!
太子丹：How are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?
太子丹晕倒
荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!
太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please? 荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：
To be or not to be, that's a question.
阿三：Hero，we need your help.
荆柯：I am busy now!
太子丹：You can get a lot of money.
荆柯：I am very busy now!
阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?
荆柯：I am very very busy now!
阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.
荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!
阿三：What? What’s the TCM?
荆柯; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.
阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?
观众甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .
太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new product of Unilever China.
荆柯（激动）：Slimming减食疗法 tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.
阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗„„
荆柯(诚恳状) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you. 太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!
Action Ш（《大话西游》主题曲响起）
荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.
阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.
荆珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends
太子丹：I will miss you, baby.
（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose
在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）
荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.
妻子：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》）
荆珂(流泪) ：I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. (哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)
妻子：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you. 荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor... promise me you will survive... that you will never give up... no matter what happens... no matter how hopeless... promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.
妻子:"I promise."
荆轲:"Never let go. “妻子:"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."
（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。） 妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，
荆珂上船，渐渐远去
妻子：It’s a good day to die. Never come back. Never„„ Never„„ 妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)： Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.
搞笑英语短剧剧本篇七：英语搞笑短剧剧本[1]
三打白骨精
Three Times’ Beating Monster
人物：T唐僧S：孙悟空 E：猪八戒
J：沙僧
B：白骨精（何平） B1：B变成的村姑 B2：B变成的太婆B3：B变化成的老头
T: Emitofo,do you know where we are now?
S: Bajie,map!
E: (摸出，递给S)
S: Look,boss (凑近T)………（T、S一齐转向E）
T: Bajie!How Many times I have told you, don’t bring these pictures of beautiful girls!
E: Oh, boss!Forgive me(伸手拿回)
T: (缩手)I’ll keep it for you until we reach the west
E: But……
T: Emitofo,nothing is lust,lust is nothing! Map?
E: (递)Here.Em…… we have arrived in White Tiger Mountain!Ah I can’t walk on any more!(坐)My stomach doesn’t allow So. S: Fat Pig!
E: Monkey,if you dare to say these two words once again,I will ,I will……….
S: You will what(凶相)?
E: (软禁)I will help you catch fleas(跳蚤).
S: Hm!
T:（轻咳）Wukong,factually,I am a bit hungry Could you go to get me some food?
E: You see , boss is hungry,too!
T: Baijie!Don’t forget who ate my last meal!
J: But boss,if a monster comes while brother monkey is away…..
T: Em…….It is a problem.Wukong,do you have any idea?
S: No problem!(安装)（B已躲在一旁偷看）
J: This is…..?
S: Electric net!I have learnt the energy of electricity from boss’s books. So I made this. No monster can approach you if you stay in it!
T: Em……Wukong, you are becoming more and more scientific! Emitofo, knowledge is power!
S: Bye!(走)
T: Let’s play cards!(三人开始打牌)音乐《斗地主》
B: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.(变成B1)
B1: (接近三人，望着)Can I join you?
J: I’m sorry,lady. We are playing Fighting Against landowner and three people are enough.
B1: (在一旁观看)Oh,Chance! Bomb!
T: Bomb?(打出)
B1: Double King!
T: Oh….I win! Em……,Lady,you are a boss-hand. Come in and teach me!(准备开电网门)
S: (回来，看见B1)Oh,monster!(上前就打)
B1: （倒)Ah……
T: (气愤)Wukong! Look what have done! She is my teacher!
T: Nonsense!(深呼吸)
S: Oh,please don’t……
T:It’s too late!(唱)Once more……you open the door…(泰坦尼克主题曲，走音离谱)
S: Please,Please,oh,no……(痛苦抱头)
T: (呛住，咳)Wukong,I’m disappointed with you!
B: (真身出现)Hm!Sun Wukong, I’ll teach you a lesson!(变成太婆)
B2:Hello,have you seen my daughter?
T: Daughter?...(连忙挡住地尸体)No,sorry!(陪笑，B2想看后面是什么，T挡)
S: （咬牙切齿）You monster, I’ll beat you into hell!(S追打B2,B2躲至T身后，S打，不想打到T头，T晕，S再打死B2) E&J: Are you Ok, boss?(扶T)
J: Look,(伸食指)how many?
T:Two…..(晕乎乎地)Sun Wukong, game over!(变成B3)
B3: (看到B1,B2尸体)Oh….,my daughter, my wife! Who did it?!!(哭喊)
S: I’ll kill you, monster!(打)
T: （想阻止，未及）You,you.....(险些晕，E,J扶住 )You have killed three lives!
S: No,they are not human beings!They are created by monster!
T: Monster?You are a real monster!Never let me see you,go!!
S: (悲，离去)（音乐，营造 “假”悲伤气氛）《人鬼情未了》
J: boss, brother Monkey is.......
T: Don't mention that guy any more!
B: (出现) Ha,ha,ha!(三尸体B1,B2,B3在B招手后“飘”走)
T: （惊）You are......
B: How foolish you are ,Mr Tang!(E,J去阻斗，被击退)
B: (抓住T)I'll enjoy your meat and blood,ha,ha......
S: (悄悄走到B后，打B,B晕)A thousand years later.
T: Wukong?
E: Oh,Brother Monkey!
J: Our hero is back!
T: I,I can't understand......What happened?
S: Boss,your IQ needs increasing! This monster changed its appearance into three shapes in order to cheat you! T: How,how did you find out?
S: (沉默).......Monkey's intuition(直觉)
T: Wukong(S不理T)I admit my mistake this time(S仍不理)I'm sorry(小声)
S: What?
T: I'm sorry.
S: Em? Louder,please?
T: I......am......sorry.....(S 捂耳)（音乐响）《敢问路在何方》（这个放伴奏）
(谢幕)
《孔雀东南飞》
Wanderseveryfivemiles
焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)刘兰芝Lunch(Lforshort)
太守之子Mayor’sson(MSforshort)强盗Burglars(ABandC)
Prologue
(J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)
J:EverybodysaysthatI’mhenpecked,butinfact,I’masstrongasatiger,(小声)whilemy
wifeisWuSong.
(指着上台处的门大声道)I’mnotafraidofyou!
(内砸出一脸盆,Ｊ接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,I’mafraidofwhom?
MywifeLunchisthemostfamouswomanintheneighbor-hood.Sheisbraverthanme,
smarterthanmeandstrongerthanme.AllthisIdonotcare.Ionlywanthertobetender
thanme.Butsheisnot!Havingawifelikethisisjustlikelivinginthehell!
(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)
MyGod!Whocanhelpme?(下)
Act1
(序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)
JM(拄拐棍上):Ican!
(对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Whereareyou?
L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’mhere!What’supmum?
JM:I’vetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautifulgracefuland
dearestmother-in-law”.
L:OK.Mymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law,what’sup?
JM:Sinceyoumarriedmysonyouhavebehavedsobadly.Youhavebeensorude,sobrusque,so
lazy……
L:But……
JM:Neverinterruptme!
L:Neverinterruptme!SinceImarriedyourson,thatterribleJohnny,Ihavebeenworkinghardall daylong,cookingandwashing.Ihaveraisedtensofthousandsofpigsandducksandchicken
and……
JM:Butallthoseyouhavedonearenotasvaluableasagrandson!
L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,youwantagrandson,don’tyou?(开始解围裙)Goandaskyour
son.I’mleaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)
Act2
(LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上)
L:Mum,I’mback!
LM:Youareback?Why?Whathappened?
L:Iwaskickedoutbymymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother–in-law.
LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See!Ihavealreadytoldyou!Whenyouinsistedon
marryingthatterribleJohnny,Itoldyouthatheisuglystupidandpoor,butyoudidnotlisten
tome.Lookatyourself……
L:But,mum……
L:Mum,I’mnotinterruptingyou.IjustwanttotellyouthatyouarealwaysrightOK?And
I’llmarrywhomeveryouwantmeto.
LM(大喜):Nicegirl!Justnow,Imetthemayor’ssoninthemarket.Hesaid:“Ifyoudaughter Haven’tbeenmarried,Ireallyreallywanttomarryher!”Nowyouarefreeagain,I’llgo
andtellhim.(下)
L(惊愕):What?Themayor’sson?Themostfamousplayboyintheneighbor-hood?(手中的锅 铲掉在地上)WhatasillythingIhavedone!(下)
Act3
(J睡眼惺忪上)
J(边走边道):Lunch!Lunch!Wherearemysocks?
(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Heretheyare!(闻一下) Er!Howsmelly!Theyarestilldirty!
(突然想起)Lunchhasgone!Ihavetowashthemmyself.
(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh,I’msohungry!Butthere’snobreakfast!(捡起地上的围 裙)ThisiswhatLunchalwayswears!Imisshersomuch,andherexcellentcookingskill!Now
shehasgone.Ihavetocookformymotherandmyself.
JM(上):Where’smybreakfast?Where’sLunch?Hasn’tshegotupyet?
J:Mum,can’tyouremember?Lunchhasgone!
JM(沉吟片刻):Well,totellyouthetruthJohnny,asonwithoutawifeisuseless.Lunchisanice
girl,goandtakeherback!
J(立正敬礼):Yesmadam!
Act4
(J开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)
A:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!
Theroadisbuiltbyme!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)
B:AndIplantedonetree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)
C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---(欲踩石头，但踩到了A的脚)
AB&C:Giveusallyourmoney!
J(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出１角硬币):Is1maoenough?
(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)
A:Whatbadluck!Thisguyisbroken!
B:Ifwecannotrobanymoneytoday,wewillhavenothingtoeattonight!
C:Iheardthatthemayor’ssonisgoingtomarryMissLiuLanzhinextmonth.WEcangoand
robthewedding!
A&B:Goodidea!
J(惊讶):What?What?Lunchisgoingtogetmarried?It’simpossible!
AB&C:Why?Aprettygirlandarichman,whatagoodcouple!
J:ButLunchismywife!Wehaven’tgotdivorcedyet!
(突然有了主意)I’vegotanidea!Youaregoingtorobthewedding,don’tyou?I’llgo
withyou.YoutakethemoneyandItakethebride.
B:Haveyougotanyexperience?
J:No.ButI’vegotthis!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄１，０００，０００)
Act5
(转眼已到了婚礼之期．MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台) (J和三强盗跃至台中)
ABC&J:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!
A:Theroadisbuiltbyme!
B:AndIplantedonetree.
C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---
J:Giveusallyourmoney!
(L听到J的声音，掀起了盖头)
L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了的身后)
(MS大怒，挥拳向J打来．J矮身一躲，MS打中了J身后的L，L晕倒)
J(火冒三丈):Howdareyoubeatmywife!（挥拳向MS冲去）
(J与MS混战，JM上，以拐杖击晕MS)
(J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)
J(扶起L，关切地问):Honey,howareyou?
L(哭状):Ihurtalot!
J:Don’tcrybaby.I’llgoandfetchthemedicine. (下)
L(起身去追):Waitforme! (跑下)
(音乐起 CanYouCelebrate)
Big words of western tour （大话西游）
Chapter 1
Site：The wedding
Characters:牛魔王 、至尊宝、紫霞、小妖
Aside: The story begins with a wedding. The Bull King is going to have a concubine.
牛：Today is my wedding. I am going to have a concubine. Ha ha ha „„.
妖：Concubine? Dose your wife agree to it?
牛：Oh! She is not lovely anymore. She’s right now at the Flame Mountain. She can do nothing about it!
(至尊宝从后台走入人群中)
牛：Let me introduce my brother to you! My bro!
Come here! This is my brother.
(牛深情地转向紫霞)
搞笑英语短剧剧本篇八：英语搞笑短剧剧本-西游记
搞笑英语话剧之西游记篇
人物 ： 唐僧 八戒 悟空 白骨精原型女 白骨精变形1 白骨精变形2 白骨
精原型男 女儿国国王 hope you guys enjoy it！ 改编作者 杜宛芸 成医学子
唐: Wow…boys! This place looks beautiful. Where we are now? Does any
one of you know something about it?
众徒弟们摇头，除了八戒在看书。
唐: 八戒, give me the map(不回头，懒洋洋的问)
唐:八戒， Give the map to me!（严肃的问）
唐：哼 !（唐生气地叫）pig ，Give the map……..(转过身看到八戒在看书)
唐:(很吃惊) wow！八戒，very good ! I hardly see you study！ . What kind of
book are you reading? Is it about Chinese or English?
八戒依旧看书，不理睬。
唐:(凑过去)let me have a look !
八戒才注意，赶忙藏书。但为时已晚，唐一把抢过。发现是封面女郎很惹火，眼
神立刻变得温柔，接过书开始看
唐：yo….xi…..(流口水，八戒看到，拿出卫生纸给唐僧擦，唐僧回过神来)
唐:（转身训斥八戒）how many times have I told you？ You are not
supposed to read books about beautiful girls! I will keep it for you until we
finish the journey …..(唐僧将画册掖到衣服里)
八戒:But…..,why? boss, why can‟t we think about girls? I just don‟t
understand…
唐:（叹气）哎，how many times have I told you？ ,This is because…oh 悟
空 dance to my song ！
(开始唱歌，Jackson的dangeous，悟空伴舞)
八戒:ok boss， I will listen to you！（无辜地表情）
唐:悟空,I am hungry.Go and get me some food…（四处看看）.where is 沙僧？, 悟空：he is feeding the horse . boss I„ll find some food and be back soon, 唐：ok….(悟空走了唐看见八戒还在这，正经地对八戒说) hey 八戒 I need to take a good rest . get out of here !give me some private space!
（八戒走后唐僧就偷袭着自言自语到眉毛上抬 使坏样）：嘿嘿 its time to call my little honey king of the girl country
唐:hi..sweetie how are you doing？(不解释….)
女:I am fine ,but I miss you very much ，after you left, I just can not stop recalling the days when we were together. 哼！ you seldom give me a call。 唐:oh darling….i am sorry. you know , these boys like to gossip about things like that. I can only call you when I am alone. But you know I love you from the bottom of my heart 。oh damn it ！…they are back! Honey I will call you the next time ok ！（挂断电话 一下装的很正经）
悟空: boss ， who are you calling ?
唐:er (支支吾吾的)I was just having a chat with Budda. where is my food? 悟空:here! Ive found some delicious bananas!
唐:banana，banana banana ! How many times do I have to tell you ？ I am a monk, instead of a monkey! I need rice rice(加重语气)！don‟t you understand? Go and give some to your brothers ok
悟空：摸摸头 ok boss 低头很沮丧 拿着香蕉向八戒走去
唐僧拿着香蕉，从衣服里掏出画册，做到一边边吃边看，边擦嘴…..
白骨精上场
白;Hahahaa…I know that any monster who eats master tang will live forever. how lucky I am, now they are in my place.笑着想想 oh , i can pretend to be a poor old lady, so they will trust me. 嘿嘿 I am really clever ……动感音乐响 白骨精1上场 和白骨精原形以舞蹈形式变换……双人舞完 ！
。
白1:嘿嘿I look great!
蹒跚的走过去
白1:hello, master.i have not eaten any food for days….can you spare some ? have mercy， may god bless you
唐：(瞄一眼，继续吃、看)what? Don‟t see I am starving too .get out of here, if you don‟t leave right now I will ask my money and pig to eat you 哼！ 白1：看看悟空和八戒 oh please don‟t do that I am leaving 蹒跚地离开 躲在一个离唐不远的地方。
悟空：走过来拿着香蕉 boss ，do you need some more bananas？
（悟空看到美女画册，急忙凑上去看，师傅把画册上下左右移动，悟空随之移动，师傅发现了，开始说：）
唐：, 悟空 ,you want to see it, dont you？ ,If you want to see it， you have to tell me that you want to see it, and I will give it to you ,let you see it but if you don‟t tell Me that you want to see it ， how can I know that you want to see it？ 。if you don‟t want to see it ，you also have to tell me that you don‟t want to see it 。then I wont let you see (悟空早已痛苦不堪，逃离此地)
唐：悟空！come back！ 哎。。。（唐僧摇摇头,继续看书)
白1:（远处偷看到画册）oh …. He is interested in girls 嘿嘿 !
变成了一个女的 音乐很慢幽 白1和白2 双人舞变换
说话一定要嗲
白2:（曼妙的走过来，碰一下唐僧，唐僧不转头边吃边看书：leave me alone. 白2再次碰一下，唐僧依然不转头：I said leave me alone！这时，白2开口说话） 白2:hi…. gentleman!
唐:（转头）wow…hi sexy lady!（扔掉画册，背景音乐响起，only you，神情对视，过会儿）come here ,do you want some food？take some bananes。 i am tang seng, you can call me Tanny
白2:oh Tanny…you are so friendly ,thanks for your banana。。。I just got lost ，and don‟t know where to go now！can you help me？
唐:yes of course, I will try my best to help you， you don‟t worry！ 八戒：朝唐僧看看：wow ，what a beautiful girl ！手拍拍悟空 look look 悟空:看到后 oh my god ！our boss is in danger now！
马上朝白2冲过去
悟空：“monster，I will kill you！“吓到白2 躲到唐的后面
唐:what are you doing？ monkey， don‟t be rude! this beautiful lady is my new friend！
悟空:boss, this is a monster， in order to get close to you。,she has changed herself into a charming girl ，she will eat you ！
唐:bullshit! you must be fed up with this trip to the west…..
（悟空执意要打，唐僧苦劝不听）
唐：I think ， you， little monkey need to be punished
悟空：（赶忙说）oh ,no , boss, please
唐:(叹气)哎唱着 it is so late to apologise。。。。。! 说 Money ， you deserve what you will suffer(摆姿势，要念咒语) ( 杰克逊的beat it ，，，，just beat it， beat it ，will you listen to me ？will you listen to me ？will you listen to me？ )
悟空抱头大叫：“oh boss enough enough。。。please stop stop I will listen to you“
八戒过来求情 ：“boss he cant stand it now看着悟空痛苦样，哦米拖佛 poor money！„
唐停止念咒 说：“ok、monkey, remember don‟t make such stupid mistakes again，you can go now „悟空抱着很痛的头摇摇晃晃的离开。
唐僧看着八戒：“八戒 you also have to leave here ，your ugly pig face will make my friend scared，go go go ！” 八戒不情愿地离开
白2:hahaha….，白2白原形一起双人舞变换成白原形 音乐很 恐怖
白原：idiot！ .look who I am （变回原样，唐僧大喊救命）i will eat you….
唐：啊 ！ 悟空 悟空 八戒 come back come back
白原：哈哈哈 shut up ！ no one can save you now！hahahahahha 仰天大笑唐掏偷偷出电话：“hi honey，I am in danger now，come and save me‟ ！be quick！„
白原看到将电话拿过扔掉
白原：‘哼，‟正要杀唐 做出姿势
女:“stop ！白原转过头来
搞笑英语短剧剧本篇九：超级搞笑灰姑娘英语剧本
序幕
准备好3个座椅供继母和两个女儿。
中间座椅前准备好洗衣盆和脏衣服。
左边座椅上准备好碗勺。
右边座椅上准备好针线和衣服。
( 背景音乐：1)
旁白 :Long ago, there lived a girl. The poor girl had to work day and night. She must sleep in the kitchen. She wearied dirty clothes. All of them called her cinders for Cinderella.
Her mother had died and her father(旁白停顿，父亲出场并向观众致意，飞吻等) he had married again, but he was happy all the time, His new wife (旁白停顿，继母出场并向观众致意，摆酷，扭动前行等) sexy, but cruel‟; he had two daughters(旁白停顿，两个姐姐出场并向观众致意等). They are as bad as their mother.
父亲出场后就座中间椅子上。（摆酷，显示自己在家庭中的地位极高）
继母怀抱宠物狗上场最后向灰姑娘父亲方向前行，即将到达时父亲赶紧起身卑微地跑前迎接并搀扶，待继母就坐后捶背、捶腿，进一步显示其家庭地位低。 两个女儿出场并向观众致意后前行到自己座椅处默默洗碗、做针线活（不情愿的，动作笨拙）。
旁白：However, we‟ll show you a different play today.(换背景音乐2) She is so strong, and smart. Especially she is good at sport.
Now, she is running for the 100 meter race.(灰姑娘冲刺)
剧务给灰姑娘传球。
Now, she is playing basketball. (灰姑娘以一敌众,轻松灌篮)
Now, she is practicing Chinese gongfu(灰姑娘打拳,对手倒（对手，被击打后退）)
This is her----Cinderella
灰姑娘(怒,看旁白) :Do you finish?
旁白 : (结巴)O…Ok,con…continue, even she is perfect, she still can‟t escape the poor life, Why? That is-----（ 此时音乐关掉，无背景音乐）
继母(怒): Hey! You! , wash clothes!
灰姑娘匆忙跑来：yes, Mom I do it right now.
一姐将盆碗碰得乱响: you!, wash dishes. Quickly, Quickly,
灰姑娘匆忙跑来：yes, ok!
此时二姐手持针线缝衣,刺手,尖叫:ah, my finger! I don‟t do this any more. ! You do it! (将衣服扔向灰姑娘)
灰姑娘(悲腔):Oh,I am very tired everyday! Maybe I am the poorest girl in the world. Mom loves that dog than me.
(举牌的同时父亲退场)
第一幕
布置三把椅子
灰姑娘在帮后母按摩肩膀，一姐在写作业，二姐做针线。
侍卫敲门送传单
侍卫：Good afternoon, this is the notice, here you are.
二姐 :Mom, Mom, Look! Good news.
继母:what‟s it?
二姐（兴奋的）:The King is going to have a party. The Prince will look for a wife. 一姐(托腮) :I must be chosen, I am the most beautiful girl in the world. 二姐(凭空跳舞) :No, Not you. I have the charming shape, I am the Queen. (两姐争吵起来,继母从女儿手中拿过传单,亲吻传单)
继母 : Stop! Both of you !（继母站起上前分开争吵的两个女儿） Make up yourself now! We don‟t have enough time!(瞪灰姑娘)Cinderella, what are you doing? Come to help your sisters!
灰姑娘 :OK, I will. But, mom, mom, Can I go with you------
(三人敛神，诧异互视,哈哈耻笑灰姑娘)
继母：you! (注意重语气)Look at yourself, so dirty and so ugly !Go away! （推倒灰姑娘，灰姑娘不情愿地跑向拖把处继续干家务）
一姐（发愁的，偷瞄灰姑娘,哭） :Oh, my God! I forgot Kathy‟s homework. She gave us a lot of homework. I can‟t finish what should I do?
二姐(拿书,指,附和) :Oh, Yes, Yes. Look, exercise A, exercise B------(偷瞄灰姑娘,哭)Oh, my God! Oh, my party! My Prince! My happiness!
灰姑娘(慌乱,安慰) :My sisters, don't cry! I always do the homework for you, of course tonight!
继母：my daughters, are you ready?
一姐/二姐:ok, Let‟s go!
（背景音乐3） (三人离开，灰姑娘望着院里的背影双手捂脸哭泣)
灰姑娘 :Dear my friends, I want to go, what shall I do?
第二幕
（继续播放背景音乐3）
洗衣盆，打扫卫生工具。准备好魔盒。
灰姑娘在洗衣服，打扫卫生。
(仙女骑着一把几乎掉光了的扫把登场) 旁白 :Oh, 哈里波特!
(仙女撞到灰姑娘) （此时关掉背景音乐3。）
灰姑娘(怒) :Who are you ?
仙女(得意) :I am the best witch, and the most beautiful witch. I can give you all the things you wish.
灰姑娘 : Really? Do you know King‟s party? I want to go, but------(低头看自己的破衣服)
仙女(大笑) :Don‟t worry. It is easy for me! Look, clothes, shoes, car----- 衣服出现时用手帕变魔术，变衣服出来，需要准备好魔盒。
灰姑娘(面露欣喜,扑向鞋子) :Oh, how beautiful glass shoes!
仙女 :Put it on, and go ! 灰姑娘准备穿好裙子。
第三幕(改动较多，请仔细阅读)
国王就座
准备好水晶鞋提前放于场内
（当各演员到位后就播放背景音乐4 ）
((富丽堂皇的大厅里,音乐飘扬, (严肃)但是士兵在跳disco
国王(严肃) : quietly!（背景音乐停止）
侍卫(击杖) :Welcome the Prince.
(大家鼓掌,欢呼) 王子出场，侍卫恭请。
国王：Today I will choose a beautiful, slim, humorous girl for my son----(转身,指向王子), strong, tall, and brave!
侍卫(击杖) :Welcome the ladies!
众女士（包括两姐及无角色人员） :How lively! How handsome! (做陶醉状,冲向前,将王子团团围住)
（播放背景音乐5）
(两姐妹分别邀请王子跳舞，两姐妹：May I ask you for a dance?王子和她们两个分别跳了，但是跳一遍吐一次)
(播放背景音乐6，灰姑娘上场)
(兴奋的旋转着，环顾四周):wow beautiful! Amazing! Wonderful!
王子从人缝中看见灰姑娘,一边说着一边奋力冲向灰姑娘：how beautiful a girl, my dreaming girl.
灰姑娘与王子两人四目凝视，（全场肃静，此时关掉背景音乐6）灰姑娘既害羞又激动状。
王子真诚邀请灰姑娘跳舞：would you like to dance with me, beautiful girl? 灰姑娘:it is my pleasure.
二人翩翩起舞….
国王表情由吃惊转为惊喜，大笑一声同时高喊，music, go!（（播放背景音乐7-西班牙斗牛士》）
(王子与灰姑娘共舞,突然手机铃声响起（电话由仙女打来），一直响到王子与灰姑娘摆完造型后。停止音乐 7)
王子 :Who‟s phone?
灰姑娘 :Oh, it‟s my phone!(掏手机接电话) This is Cinderella speaking! 仙女 :It‟s 12‟clock, game will be over, come back quickly! Or you‟ll change back!(开始敲钟)
灰姑娘 :Oh, I must go!(慌忙中跑掉了一只鞋)
王子(捡起鞋,追) :Wait! Wait!Your name, your phone number!
王子(注视姑娘远去,悲情) :I‟ve lost her!
第四幕
准备好三个座椅
继母怀抱宠物狗就座。
灰姑娘换回衣服继续打扫卫生,两个姐姐在默声打扑克。
音乐：（播放背景音乐8，不要太大声）旁白 : Since the party, Prince fall in love with Cinderella, the Prince decided to look for the mysterious girl.-（在说这段的同时，王子最好能表演一下悲伤，思念的情绪，比如说拿着灰姑娘拉下的鞋子叹气）He issued a notice, “Whoever the glass shoe fits, shall be wife to the Prince!”
(王子带着士兵到处找人试鞋)
旁白 :Later, the Prince come to Cinderella „s home.
（此时关掉背景音乐）
士兵敲门(抬手敲门口中发出咚咚声)：is anybody here?
一姐（:开门动作并模拟发出开门声）Oh, here, my god! The Prince is coming, he is so handsome! He is so cool!
士兵们进门(拿着鞋) :Please try the glass shoe.
(两姐妹正抢): Oh, it is my shoe! ------Oh, it is my shoe!
(士兵夺过鞋,递给大姐): You first!(大姐拿过鞋,却怎么也穿不进去)
士兵 : Stop doing that. Your foot is too long, you will break the shoe!
二姐(得意) :I said, it is my shoe.(抢过鞋,试穿,费了九牛二虎之力终于穿上,走开来)
二姐 : too small!(甩掉鞋,蹲下揉脚,鞋飞到灰姑娘身上)
(灰姑娘拿着鞋仔细端详)beautiful shoes
继母朝灰姑娘(怒吼) : Why are you here? Back to kitchen! Wash the dishes! 灰姑娘：Yes mom.
王子： Wait! Every girl must try! You(王子指向灰姑娘), please.
继母 : She is very dirty! It couldn‟t be hers!
(灰姑娘默默轻松的穿上了鞋)
王子(欢呼) :Oh, it fits you very well! I found you! (王子和灰姑娘拥在一起,抱着旋转起来退场) （此时播放背景音乐8.5）
结束画面：灰姑娘的爸爸上场，对着镜头无奈地哭泣着：wait , wait !I am
Cinderella‟s father, why not let me take part in the interesting party,55555(做捶胸嚎啕大哭状，最好坐地上蹬腿)
灰姑娘和王子上场搀扶起父亲：dear my father, don‟t grieve, we love you for ever!（父亲变为抽泣）
旁白 :The Prince was happy to find her, and on a bright sunny day, he and Cinderella were married. They lived happily ever after! （此时播放背景音乐9，但是声音不要盖过演员的说话）
大家依次上场排好队（二排），准备谢幕！
领队起头说：learning with METHOD
大家一起：（声音洪亮，整齐清晰）
Learning with METHOD
We will be the best!
Oh yeah!
搞笑英语短剧剧本篇十：英语三人短剧__搞笑
顾客：小心，你的大拇指在我汤里了
服务员：别担心，先生，不是很烫！
A : Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!
B: Don't worry Sir it's not that hot!
一个服务员给顾客拿来了牛排，大拇指在牛肉上。
“你疯了吗？”顾客喊到，“你的手在我的牛排上！”
“什么？”服务员说，“你想让它再掉地上？”
A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.
A:Are you crazy?( yelled the customer ),with your hand on my steak? (What answers the waiter) You want it to fall on the floor again? 服务员：茶或咖啡？先生。
第一个顾客：我要茶
第二个顾客：我也是茶——杯子要干净的！
服务员：两杯茶，哪个要干净的杯子？
B:(Waiter:) Tea or coffee gentlemen?
A:I'll have tea.
C:(2nd customer:) Me too - and be sure the glass is clean!
(Waiter exits returns)
B:(Waiter:) Two teas. Which one asked for the clean glass?
创新句子：我坚持用干净杯子喝茶。
服务员，这只苍蝇在我汤里干什么？
看起来象是在仰泳，
A:Waiter what's this fly doing in my soup?
Um looks to me to be backstroke sir...
服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！
别担心，先生，面包里的蜘蛛会干掉它。
A:Waiter there's a fly in my soup!
B:Don't worry sir the spider on the breadroll will get 'em.
服务员，我汤里有只苍蝇！
不是，先生，那是蟑螂，苍蝇在你牛排里。
A:Waiter there's a fly in my soup!
C:No sir that's a cockroach the fly is on your steak.
服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！
别让别人看见，先生，要不别人都要。
A:Waiter there's a fly in my soup!
B:Keep it down sir or they'll all be wanting one.
服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！
我知道，先生，我们没有另收钱。
A:Waiter there's a fly in my soup!
C:Its OK Sir there's no extra charge!
服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！
对不起，先生，我弄走那三个时忘了这个。
A:Waiter there is a fly in my soup!
B:Sorry sir maybe I've forgotten it when I removed the other three. 服务员，汤里有只死苍蝇！
是的，先生，是开水杀死了它们。
A:Waiter there's a dead fly in my soup!
C:Yes sir it's the hot water that kills them.
话剧前半部分是荆珂刺秦王搞笑英语话剧剧本
（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.Action I太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：
Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众） I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister?
阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming.
太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!
阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~
（作杀状）太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，最好由观众来回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?
阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.
太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?
阿三：Yes.Action II（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）荆轲Are you Li mochou?李莫愁Yes.荆轲OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.李莫愁Are you challenging me? 荆轲Off course! 耸耸肩表示同意李莫愁Come on!音乐起两人冲上前来“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。。。”李莫愁倒地荆轲大笑李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?荆轲: We don\'t need any reason to win a person. Don\'t we? Do we? （赢一个人需要理由
么，不需要么，需要么？）李莫愁：Momma always said: \"Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you\'re gonna get.\" I got it, Momma is right.
荆轲再次大笑太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?
荆柯：Sure!太子丹：How are you?
羊肉串和纳税人（英文小品）
Characters:
Mr. Shi, Xiaofu, Dabao
Mr. Shi: Tax is the major source of the fiscal revenue. There is an evident change about the relationship between the tax collector and taxpayer in the past 20 years. Now, the tax collector, Xiaofu, and the tax payer Dabao, a vendor selling Yangrouchuan will show you the very change. The first Act happened in 1980s.
Act I
(in Bazaar of Beijing, sanlihe, 1980s)
Dabao: Yangrouchuan , yangrouchuan, eaten one ,want nine, eaten one, want nine.
Hi, Take my yangrouchuan.(slipped, take it up, )
Xiaofu: Tax! Pay the tax!
Dabao: (change faces)
Taxi? Where is the taxi? Here’s no taxi.
Xiaofu: Tax! T---A ---X!
Dabao: What’s the tax? I just know taxi! Do you want me to call a taxi for you?
Taxi----! Taxi----!
Xiaofu: Enough! Are you the vendor?
Dabao: No , No, No, no! I 'm just have a look. The vendor has gone to the toilet.
Xiaofu: Not the vendor ? Impossible! you 've been here for 2 hours. Dabao: Really ? (Xiaofu: Yes, of course.)
How do you know it?
Xiaofu: The window of my office is open to here and I 've been looking at you for two hours.
Dabao: It’s a big bug!
Xiaofu: Oh. Don’t waste my time! Please pay the tax---- 10 Yuan!
Dabao: 10 yuan?! My god. I had just earned 20 Yuan one day! 5 Yuan, ok? Xiaofu: Don't cheat me, you've sold more than 2 hundred ones.
Dabao: 6yuan, my dear sisiter.
7Yuan, my lovely beauty.
Dabao: Not for you ,not for me, let's split the difference. 8 yuan ,ok ? Xiaofu: (looking around) All right ,a deal. But no receipt.
(Dabao payed 8 yuan and Xiaofu left)
Dabao: What a smart woman! Bad luck! I’m bankrupt. I have to change my place.
Hope I would not meet her any more! Let’s go!
Act II
Mr. Shi: The next scene happened in new century. China had been marching in the way of the market economy for twenty years more, in the new era of building the well-off society in an all-round way, how do the vendor regard tax as and how is the tax collected? The scene will tell you. Let’s enjoy it!
(In the market; Dabao in white clothes ,a board with "NO SARS")
Dabao:: Yangrouchuan, yangrouchuan. Eaten one, want nine. Eaten one, want nine.
Xiaofu: Hi,
Dabao: Hi.
Two: What a familiar face.
Two: It’s you!
Dabao: 10 years past, you are a still a tax collector.
Xiaofu: 10 years past, you still sell Yangrouchuan.
How is your business?
Dabao: Everything is OK!
10 years past, you are still beautiful lady in Sanlihe of Beijing. Xiaofu: 10 years past, you and your Yangrouchuan look more clean than 20 years before.
Dabao: Thank you. No SARS, no dirtiness; Serve people, serve me. Xiaofu: Great! Have you„„
Dabao: Married? I ‘m not married; I’m still single.
Xiaofu: Have you claimed your tax this month?
Dabao: What? Taxi? Oh, tax! Of course. I should pay the tax of 50 Yuan this month and I have claimed at the begin of this month.
Xioafu: Your receipt, please.
Dabao: (shows the receipt )
Here you are, I have paid my tax in the tax service center by computer. Xiaofu: Great! What a good taxpayer you are.
Dabao: Thank you. It is my duty. I’m proud of myself to pay the tax for our country.
Xiaofu: Yeah! The tax you paid is a share of our country’s economy, and you do a lot for Olympics of Beijing!
Dabao: Let’s do it together! . It’s said that, Don't ask what your country can do for you but ask what you can do for your country. Just like me, sell Yangrouchuan, and pay the Tax for ten years more.
Xiaofu: You 're the loveliest people in new century!
Dabao: Thank you! And you 're the loveliest tax collector in new era! X: Excuse me, and I have to go now. Bye-bye.
D: A moment, are you free tomorrow evening? Could I have a dinner with you?
Xiaofu: Well, may I have the company of my husband?
Dabao: No, no, no problem. 6 o’clock in the evening, Beichuanyuan, ok? Xiaofu: just a kidding. I have to go home now.(leaves)
Dabao, See you tomorrow.
Dabao: Hope to see you everyday.
The End
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