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好笑英语小话剧篇一：英语搞笑小话剧
英语搞笑小话剧（彼得与狼）
Peter and the Wolf
all : I’ll tell you a story. It is “Peter and the Wolf” Peter: Good morning everyone. What a fine day! How beautiful the green lawn is! Bird: Good morning, Peter.
Peter: Good morning, Bird.
Bird: It’s a fine morning, isn’t it! All is calm. All is beautiful. Duck: I’m a duck, you see. Peter forgot to lock the door. Now I’m free. How I want to have a good bath in the pool!
(Duck jumps into the pool.)
Bird: Hi! Who are you? You can’t fly?
Duck: Aren’t you a bird! You can’t swim? You see. I can.
Bird: You are a fool.
Duck: I’m clever. You are a fool.
Bird: You are a fool.
Duck: I’m clever. You are a fool.
(At this time, a black cat is coming quietly.)
Cat: Yeh. They are quarrelling. So I have no trouble catching them. Look at me, please.
Peter: Take care, Bird. Be careful, Bird.
(So the bird flies away.)
Duck: You are a thief. Why don’t you catch that bird?
Bird: You are a robber. Why don’t you rob me?
Cat: Should I go to catch the bird? Should I? I’m afraid when I get there, the bird will fly away.
Grandfather: Peter, you see. It is very dangerous here. The duck is running into the pool. If a wolf comes, what should you do then?
Peter: I’m a young pioneer. I’m very brave. How can I dare a wolf?
(A few minutes later. A very big, cruel wolf comes siletly. The black cat runs away quickly.)
Cat, Bird: Oh,! Wolf!
Duck: Oh! My dear. The wolf is coming. Let me run quickly.
(How can a bird run so fast! Look, the wolf has caught the bird, and eaten him up.)
Wolf: How I am satisfied! But I still want to catch the bird andthe black cat.
(Now Peter and the grandfather see what has happened. They have a good idea now.)
Peter: Bird. Please fly over the wolf’s head. You can fly around and around him. But you should be careful enough.
Bird: Wolf. Wolf. Can you catch me? You are a fool! Can you catch me? Catch me!
(The wolf is so angry that he jumps up and down. At this moment. Peter and his grandfather throw a rope and catches the wolf.)
Cat, Bird, Grandfather: Beat him. Beat him. Don’t let him run away. (At this moment. A group of hunters get to the forest. Listen, they are shooting at the wolf.)
Peter: Oh, no. Bird and I have caught the wolf. Don’t kill him. Let him alive. Please help us to send him to the zoo.
Peter, Grandfather,Hunters, Cat, Bird: Oh! Oh! Let’s go to the zoo. Let’s go to the zoo.
好笑英语小话剧篇二：搞笑英语话剧剧本
好笑英语小话剧篇三：荆轲刺秦王(搞笑英语小话剧,英语及翻译)
《荆珂刺秦王》
旁白：Long long ago, there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.
很久以前，有一个疯狂的国家，在这个疯狂的国家有一些疯狂的人，试图用疯狂的方式展示疯狂的历史。荆轲是最有名的剑客并被派去杀清王，嬴政。但最后他失败了。你想知道当时发生了什么事？好吧，下面将会告诉你真相。
Action I
太子丹：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan!) Thank u mirror! I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? Where is my minister?
镜子，镜子，告诉我，这个世界上最漂亮的人是谁？(画外音：是你，太子丹！)谢谢你的镜子！我是太子丹，魔镜说我是世界上最有吸引力的男人。但嬴政是一个嫉妒的家伙，我觉得如果镜子告诉他真相他会杀了我。我很害怕。我该怎么办呢？我大臣在哪里？
阿三: Honey, I am coming.
亲爱的，我来了。
太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most
beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!
我告诉过你一次又一次，你应该叫我“我最美丽的、优雅、英俊、迷人、可爱、聪明和最亲爱的太子丹”！
阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~ 当然，亲爱的！我有一个好主意。我们可以找一个英雄去杀嬴政~
太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent! Good idea! But who is the right candidate?
欧耶！二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！好主意！但谁是合适的人选？ 阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JingKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.
经过筛选后我手上有两个有前途的人。一是李莫愁小姐，另一个是荆轲先生。明天他们将PK为世界头号杀手。
太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?
好的，给我尽快得主，好吗？
阿三：Yes.
Action II
荆轲：Are you Li mochou?
李莫愁：Yes.
荆轲：OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.
好的。我是荆轲，你知道，我会让你知道我是世界头号杀手之王。
李莫愁：Are you challenging me?
你想挑战我吗？
荆轲：Off course!
李莫愁：Come on!
李莫愁：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?
发生了什么？你为什么不疼？
荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person. Don't we? Do we? 赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？
李莫愁：Momma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you're gonna get." I got it, Momma is right.
妈妈常说：“生活就像一盒巧克力，莫愁。你永远不知道你会得到什么。“我明白了，妈妈是对的。
太子丹：How are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?
太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?
哦，天哪！你能给我一个创新的回答“你好吗？”？
荆柯：Sure!
太子丹：How are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?
荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!
太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too! May I have your name card, please?
哦，我也是在开玩笑呢！我可以要一张你的名片吗？
阿三：Hero，we need your help.
荆柯：I am busy now!
太子丹：You can get a lot of money.
荆柯：I am very busy now!
阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?
IC、ID、IQ卡？
荆柯：I am very very busy now!
阿三: Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.
看！她是世界上最漂亮的女孩。如果你说好的，她就是你的。
荆柯：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!
我不得不说她是一个非常性感美丽的女孩，但中医是我唯一的爱！
阿三：What? What’s the TCM?
荆柯：Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.
嘿，兄弟！你这么聪明，但为什么你不知道中医？任何人都可以给你答案。 阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?
观众甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM.
传统的中国美眉
太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new product of Unilever China.
我必须告诉你的王牌。女士们，先生们，这是立顿减肥茶。这是一个全新的联合利华中国产品。
荆柯：Slimming tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.
减肥茶！我梦想它数千次。我的妻子总是威胁说要离开我，如果我不能减轻我的体重。
阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?
你想得倒好？假如你想要！你为什么保持沉默？你为什么看着我？虽然你很有诚意，我很高兴，你还是要说出来。你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要？ 荆柯：Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.
告诉我，我应该做什么？我会为你做任何事。
Action III
阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.
英雄，我们已经达到了沂水河。
荆珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends
就停在这里。再见，我的朋友
太子丹：I will miss you, baby.
荆珂：Darling, I love you.
妻子：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world! 我爱你。对我而言，你比这个世界上的任何东西都更有意义。
荆珂：I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.
我更爱你。哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你。
妻子：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you.
怎么样。作为一个男人，就去做！我会一直在这里等你。
荆珂：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor... promise me you will survive... that you will never give up... no matter what happens... no matter how hopeless... promise me now, and never let go of that promise
亲爱的！你一定要帮我这个忙„答应我你会活下去„你绝不会放弃„不管发生什么事„无论多么的绝望„现在就答应我，永远不要忘记你的承诺
妻子："I promise."
荆轲："Never let go. “
永不放弃
妻子："I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."
妻子：It’s a good day to die. Never come back. Never…… Never…… 这是一个去死的好日子。再也回不来了。不......从未......
妻子：Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.
谢谢你.当我得到人寿保险1000000美元，我将把它的一半，500000美元到您的帐户。
阿三：Okay okay!
旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng. 然后荆轲送往秦，最终被嬴政杀了。
好笑英语小话剧篇四：搞笑英语话剧剧本.1doc
搞笑英语话剧剧本《 荆珂刺秦王》
搞笑英语话剧剧本《 荆珂刺秦王》 旁白(Aside )/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous sword
搞笑英语话剧剧本《 荆珂刺秦王》
旁白(Aside )/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman剑客 and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.
Action I
太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众） I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister?
阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming.
太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!
阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）
太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?
阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.
太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?
阿三：Yes.
Action II
（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）
荆轲
Are you Li mochou?
李莫愁
Yes.
荆轲
OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.
李莫愁
Are you challenging me?
荆轲
Off course! 耸耸肩表示同意
李莫愁
Come on!
音乐起
两人冲上前来
“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。。。”
李莫愁倒地
荆轲大笑
李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?
荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person. Don't we? Do we? （赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）
李莫愁：Momma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you're gonna get." I got it, Momma is right.
荆轲再次大笑
太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?
太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?
荆柯：Sure!
太子丹：How are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?
太子丹晕倒
荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!
太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please?
荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：
To be or not to be, that's a question.
阿三：Hero，we need your help.
荆柯：I am busy now!
太子丹：You can get a lot of money.
荆柯：I am very busy now!
阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?
荆柯：I am very very busy now!
阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.
荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!
阿三：What? What’s the TCM?
荆柯; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.
阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?
观众甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .
太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new product of Unilever China.
荆柯（激动）：Slimming减食疗法 tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.
阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗„„
荆柯(诚恳状) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.
太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!
Action Ш
（《大话西游》主题曲响起）
荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.
阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.
荆珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends
太子丹：I will miss you, baby.
（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）
荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.
好笑英语小话剧篇五：搞笑英语话剧剧本
搞笑英语话剧剧本《 荆珂刺秦王》
旁白(Aside )/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman剑客 and was sent to kill king of Qin, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.
Action I
太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众） I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister? 阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming.
太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!
阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）
太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?
阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world. 太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?
阿三：Yes.
Action II
（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）
荆轲
Are you Li mochou?
李莫愁
Yes.
荆轲
OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world. 李莫愁
Are you challenging me?
荆轲
Off course! 耸耸肩表示同意
李莫愁
Come on!
音乐起
两人冲上前来
“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。。。”
李莫愁倒地
荆轲大笑
李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?
荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person. Don't we? Do we? （赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）
李莫愁：Momma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you're gonna get." I got it, Momma is right.
荆轲再次大笑
太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?
太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”? 荆柯：Sure!
太子丹：How are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?
太子丹晕倒
荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!
太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please? 荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：
To be or not to be, that's a question.
阿三：Hero，we need your help.
荆柯：I am busy now! （本文来自天空剧本网）
太子丹：You can get a lot of money.
荆柯：I am very busy now!
阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?
荆柯：I am very very busy now!
阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.
荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!
阿三：What? What’s the TCM?
荆柯; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.
阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?
观众甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .
太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new product of Unilever China.
荆柯（激动）：Slimming减食疗法 tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.
阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you
looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗……
荆柯(诚恳状) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.
太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!
Action Ш
（《大话西游》主题曲响起）
荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.
阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.
荆珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends
太子丹：I will miss you, baby.
（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）
荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.
妻子：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》）
荆珂(流泪) ：I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. (哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》) 妻子：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you.
荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor... promise me you will survive... that you will never give up... no matter what happens... no matter how hopeless... promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.
妻子:"I promise."
荆轲:"Never let go. “
妻子:"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."
（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。）
妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，
荆珂上船，渐渐远去
妻子：It’s a good day to die. Never come back. Never…… Never……
妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)： Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.
阿三：Okay okay!
旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.
结束！
好笑英语小话剧篇六：7人搞笑英语版话剧剧本-三顾茅庐
Three visits to the cottage
Aside: Three visits to the cottage（中文名三顾茅庐） is a story from one of the Four
Great classical Chinese novels——the Three Kindoms. ZhuGeliang is one of the main characters in the original. Also, he is an outstanding militarist, politician and the symbol of the wisdom in Chinese history. Another main actors——Liubei, who visited ZhuGeliang's thatched cottage three times and wanted to invite him to be his military adviser. Finally, ZhuGeliang was moved by Liubei' sincerity, helped the three brothers——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei to establish the Shu Kindom. He devoted his whole life to the cause and died in harness.
Our script is revised from this story . In this play, we add many modern and funny elements. For example, there are some spoken lines and actions which were copied from some classical movies like Infernal Affairs(中文名无间道), My Own SWordsman（中文名武林外传）,The Flirting Scholar（中文名唐伯虎点秋香） were combined in our play. Also, we added some interesting pictures and audio to our slide.
Maybe there are some mistakes in our dialogue. But this play is the result of painstaking efforts of our group. So we present our script to you and wish you will like it. Three visits to the cottage
Aside: After their swearing brotherhood to heaven and earth in a peach garden, the
three persons——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei-had to be janitors in Caocao's corporation to make a living for they could not find jobs. Meanwhile the legendary and mysterious character ZhuGeliang who had been forced to attend CET-6 test by his wife was reviewing examination contents.
SCENE 1: Liubei's home
Actors: Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei
Guanyu: Brother! We three have been hungry for days and when will this tragic
life end? It's so terrible!
Liubei: Yu, it's impossible that I don't feel painful, isn't it? But as the proverb
says it is hard to sit in Rome and strive against the Pope. Now we come down to Caocao's corporation as gatekeeper, anyhow we can fill our stomachs between whiles. It's very hard to get work now. No diplomas and no job offers, what are you dreaming about?
Zhangfei: Oh, Brother! ZhuGeliang's wife borrowed us 500yuan to cope with his
husband’s CET-6 fees last month, it seems that it's time for us to be debt collectors now.
Guanyu: Yeah, Brother! Or we'll be as poor as church mouse
Liubei: Alas! How did I forget this? Let's go! Go~~ go~! Hurry up! Follow me
and go to the mountain for dunning!
Aside: And then the three brothers climb the mountain to find ZhuGeliang. SCENE 2: ZhuGeliang’s house
Actors: ZhuGeliang Zhu’s Wife
ZhuGeliang: Good morning! I am the genius ZhuGeliang. But I feel so morose recently. Because my wife forced me to pass the CET-6. What’s CET-6? Do you know? You?(Ask the audience) I’ve never heart about that. And she obliged me to read so heavy books and do so many texts. It’s ridiculous. My major is military advice, not English. Why should I read this?
Wife: Darling! ZhuGeliang：My wife is coming，she is so long-winded that I can never bear her.
Wife： My dear, how about your study? ZhuGeliang：These books make me want to doze. I’m dizzy. Wife： Darling! Now, competition is so serious. If you can’t pass cet6 to get
your master’s degree, it is difficult to find a job. I have stayed here
for half of a lifetime. But never visit a bigger place like Tianjin.(cry) ZhuGeliang：Don’t worry, these books are too easy for your husband and don’t need to learn.
Wife： Are you sure? let me have a test to you. Listen，read and see! ZhuGeliang：A piece of cake!
ZhuGeliang: Sorry I can’t. Wife： Listen, can you spell apple? Desk?
Wife： You can’t? Oh, how unfortunate I am! (crying) I'm wrong, I'm really
wrong, I'm wrong from the beginning. I shouldn't marry here. If I
didn’t marry here, I'll never in this heartrending place now, ZhuGeliang：Don’t cry, don’t cry, stop! I ‘m going to study hard at once.
Wife (laugh): That's the spirit! Do you know? We are in the red for your Cet6. I
even borrowed money from the gate keeper. What can I do when they
dun for debts. ZhuGeliang: Are you pointing to that gatekeeper Liubei?
Wife: Oh! Yes! Come on quickly! Boy!
Keeper: What is the matter? Madam?
Wife: Listen carefully! My husband is too busy doing his homework to
welcome any people, so you will tell the people who calls on him
that boss has went to study in England.
Aside: While it is going on, liubei Guanyu Zhangfei have came to the gate of
ZhuGeliang’s house.
SCENE3 Outside ZhuGeliang’s house
Actors: Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei Keeper
Zhangfei: Let me knock the door! Open! Open!!!
Keeper: (Check from the peep hole) Are these men asking for the debt?
(Open the door)
Liubei: This is liubei! We are calling on ZhuGeliang and his wife.
Keeper: Zhu said he is not in.
Liubei: En????
Keeper: Oh! No!...I mean …I mean my boss is studying English in England for the
exam of CET-6,and he may not be come back this month.
Liubei: OK! We will wait for him here!
Guanyu: Nobody knows that when he will be come back, so, let’s go home! Aside: The three men went away with disappointed. After a month, the deeply
autumn came! They came here at the second time. Unfortunately, they didn’t see Zhugeliang as well . Two month passed, the cold winter is coming! It is heavy snow and very cold outsides. ZhuGeliang knows the reason that why they come here three times, and orders the keeper to let them come in whiles his wife is out.
SCENE4 Outside ZhuGeliang’s house
Actors: Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei Keeper
Zhangfei: Please tell me in time when you would see him next time, let me bind him
up for you. It really should not trouble you to come here time and time again.
Liubei: These days, the borrower is the god! Let’s go there again and show our
the warmest heart to move them.(Knock the door)
Keeper：My boss is at home today, but he is reading books about CET-6. Please wait
for a moment!
Zhangfei：Xiao Zhu! Come out! Brothers, help me to take care of my seventh uncle
and his third niece. Get out, or I will burn your house down!
Guanyu: Sunflower press! AI. Litter brother, big brother has said several times,
We are intellectuals, understand? Don't be so rude, we are here for
debt, not for his life. If you will kill him, where is our money?
Liubei: The submortagage crisis is so serious, don’t you know that simple
reason? If you know, please bat your eyes!
Zhangfei (Bat eyes)
Guanyu: sunflower press!!!!!
Zhangfei: Where did you get this KongFu?
Guanyu: Hehe! I get it from a TV program called “My Own SWordsman”, which
is so popular with lots of people in China!
Zhangfei: Why not say it earlier? We three brother could run a company of Chinese
KongFu if we had know that before!
Guanyu: Oh!! That is a good idea!!!!
Keeper: Don’t interrupt!!!! Boss is reading!!!
Liubei: Keep quite!!!
Aside: at this time, zhugeliang is exciting, but his wife come back soon.
SCENE 5: ZhuGeliang’s Home Actors: ZhuGeliang wife liubei Zhangfei Guanyu
ZhuGeliang: Thank goodness, here's Liubei at last. Ha ha ha ………
Wife: Wof! Darling! He may come here to ask me to repay his money. We can’t
let him in. ZhuGeliang: My darling, please don’t worry. I can make liubei go back with nothing by my sliver tongue Liubei: Mr. ZhuGeliang. I have hunted you for a long time! Zhu: Oh! You are Liubei. What can I do for you ?
Liu: my brother, you have borrowed me $500, when you repay it for me? I have
starved for several days. ZhuGeliang: I owe you $500? who can testify? Please give me a chance, I want to be an honest man.
Liubei: How can I give you a chance? Speak it to the judge. Zhu: Please look, although having ambition , you are just a guarder .We can enlarge our power from this base, and then attack Caocao. At last I believe that we can reign the whole country.
Liubei: I’m so surprised! I don’t know you are so ideal. ZhuGeliang: If I give you a map, could I not repay your money?
Liubei: En…….you know so much about affairs, are you willing to create a new
country together with us? ZhuGeliang: But I can’t help you, I have accustom the life at present.
Liubei: If you don’t help me , the citizen will live a harder life , please don’t
refuse. ZhuGeliang: En……sorry, I can’t. Because my wife forces me to pass the CET-6 recently. If you can help me to resolve the problem, I will help you.
Liu: En….. Zhangfei: (Pull) Brother, come here. Everything is fake now
such as the milk. Why can’t we find somebody help us do the test or buy a key ?
Guanyu: Yes! We can overdraft our salary from Caocao to buy the key at first. SCENE 6: ZhuGeliang’s Home Actors: Wife Keeper
Aside: Because the salary has been given to zhugeliang to buy the key, Liubei Guanyu
Zhangfei have been starving for one month.
Keeper：（Happy）Sir , you are really a god . CET6 has got 600 scores. Be really to startle
the universe and move the gods.
Wife：What happened? 600 scores? Oh! Do not shoulder your several years
studying at a cold window; Do not shoulder my night holding candle accompanying you. After your Master graduates, happy life will approach. Cars, house, money!
SCENE 7: Outside ZhuGeliang’s house
Aside: After receiving the master degree, ZhuGeliang will go to work with Liubei to
establish a new Kingdom.So the couples apart.
Actors: ZhuGeliang Wife Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei
Wife：Honey! ZhuGeliang：Darling!
Wife：Excellent man have a long-range ambition. You should put cause above
everything else , are sure not to miss me. ZhuGeliang：I will have a long journey .Please take care of yourself.(Turn around) Don’t worried, never miss you!!(Run) ZhuGeliang：(To Liubei)Your Majesty, I will never forget your favour. I should be loyal and devoted to the last. Liubei Guanyu Zhangfei: Let' go!!!!!
Aside: The three men go down to the hill. That is the end of the whole story. Thank
you for your attention.
好笑英语小话剧篇七：英语搞笑话剧
演员：皇帝 王超超；芳妃 陈芳；梦妃 蔡梦娇；玉妃：黄玉荣；冰妃：吕兵营 苗妃：李苗苗 毒王：杨都府
Actor: the emperor Wang Chaochao; Fang princess chen fang; Dream princess Cai Meng jiao; Jade princess: Huang Yurong; Ice princess: lv bingying:miao fei: li miaomiao poison wang: Yang dufu
公公：皇上驾到
公公：emperor is coming
公公：皇上驾到
See the emperor
公公：皇上，该翻绿头牌了！不知皇上今晚要在哪位娘娘的寝宫歇息啊。
Hoster, it’s time to choose where will you go! I don't know where my host tonight go to have a queen bedroom rest .
众妃：皇上，到臣妾宫里吧。
My dear , go to my palace
皇上：呃…….这…… 不知各位爱妃可有一技之长来取悦朕啊！
e………. I don't know you lovely princess can be skilled to please me!
芳妃：我来，皇上，在遇到你之前，我的生活一直是混沌的，直到遇见您之后，我才知道，缘起缘灭，无数次的转世轮回，只为今生和你相遇；花开花落，潮起潮落，千年的等待只为换的与你相知，月缺月圆，辗转反侧，无数个不眠之夜在思海中度过，只盼的与你一刻相守。皇上，求你圆了臣妾的梦吧！
Let me have a try.My dear, before I met you, my life had been chaotic, until I met you, I just knew, originated because, countless times reincarnation, only for this life I will meet you ; Flowers bloom and fade, ebb and flow, one
thousand years of waiting for change of bosom friend with you, the moon lacks the moon circles, tossing and turning the
sleepless nights spent in thinking sea, only looking forward to the moment together with you. My emperor, please make my dream come true !!!
皇上：你说的太感人了！朕…….
What you said is so touching! I……..
梦妃：皇上，臣妾，嘴笨，不会说什么甜言蜜语来讨皇上开心。但臣妾深知皇上爱喝梅花酒，因此，臣妾在3个月前特地收集了最新鲜的梅花，而且臣妾又特地命人收集了早晨的露水为皇上酿制了一坛梅花酒。现在已经可以喝了，皇上尝尝。
Honey, I am inarticulate, can’t say sweet words to make you happy. But I knew that you love plum wine, as a result, before 3 months,I specially collected the most fresh plum and specially ordered people to collect the morning dew altar for emperor made a plum wine. Now can drink, please try it.Cheers！
皇上：爱妃真是太体贴了！
Love princess are so considerate!
玉妃：皇上，喝酒多无聊啊！还不如来听臣妾哼小曲呢！让臣妾 为你献一曲。
Honey, how boring drink is! Might as well listen to me hum ditty! Let me sing a song for you.
冰妃：皇上近日食欲不佳，容颜略显憔悴，实在不宜歌舞升平。
臣妾担心皇上，今有番邦进贡的胡萝卜，臣妾特地为皇上做了一盘鱼香肉丝，皇上吃了定是极好的，还请皇上品尝。
I heard you had a poor appetite these days, a slightly careworn face, it should not be crowing. I worried about you , today I have a tribute of carrots, whose from foreign areas .I specially made a plate of shredded pork for you , it is great for you to eat it.Please have a try of it.
皇上:嗯，果然好吃。联。。。。。。
En, it is delicious. I ....
苗妃：贱人就是矫情，只会用下作的狐媚手段勾引皇上。皇上，你知道么？这几天来，小公主一直睡的不安生，说是想见父皇。皇上，您难道不想见小公主吗？她可是想您想的紧呢。而且臣妾也想和皇上共叙温情啊。
Bitch is really hypocritical,just seduces my host by shameful way.Oh, my dearling, do you know that the little process hasn’t selpt well these days.She said she missed you very much.Don’t you want to see her?She wants to see you and I want to be with you too.
皇上；这。。。。。
En。。。
众妃：皇上，去我那儿，去我那儿。。。
My dearling，choose me，choose me.....
公公：毒王驾到——
Prince du is coming__________
毒王;好热闹啊。听闻各位嫂嫂在争宠，不如。。。你们跟了我吧。 It is so noisy here. I have heard the beauties were competing for brother’s love,I think it is better if you follow me.
皇上；放肆，你怎么敢和联比？
How dare you.
毒王；皇兄，不要用这种你自以为牛逼哄哄的2B态度对我，我有屌丝保险。
Brother huang,don’t use the best as you think but the stupidest in truth attitude to me.I have twoB insurance.
玉妃：那是什么啊？
What is it？
毒王；它是生命的提升，是经济的延续，是爱的承诺，是责任心的完美体现。
It is the promotion of the life, the continuation of economic,the promise of love, the perfect embucliment of sense of responsibility.
好笑英语小话剧篇八：英语搞笑话剧——三顾茅庐
Three visits to the cottage
主要人物：诸葛亮、诸葛家仆人（朱不亮）、刘备、关羽、张飞、旁白（同时操作电脑）
旁白：
Three visits to the cottage（中文名三顾茅庐） is a story from one of the Four Great classical Chinese novels——the Three Kindoms. ZhuGeliang is one of the main characters in the original. Also, he is an outstanding militarist, politician and the symbol of the wisdom in Chinese history. Another main actors——Liubei, who visited ZhuGeliang's thatched cottage three times and wanted to invite him to be his military adviser. Finally, ZhuGeliang was moved by Liubei' sincerity, helped the three brothers——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei to establish the Shu Kindom. Now，let’s go into the story.
第一幕
屋子中，诸葛亮在屋里走着，
诸葛亮：Buliang，this classroom is so dirty，猪不亮扫地，送水（营养快线） 三兄弟上场，关羽（头巾），刘备（墨镜），张飞（不停打嗝）
刘：饭后一支烟，赛过活神仙
A cigerate after dinner plays an important role in my life.（伸手，张飞点烟，刘深吸一口，长舒一口气）
刘：嗯？没点着
En? It dosen’t burn on.
张飞：凑合着吧，老师不让抽烟
Sorry，we can only has this.We can’t smoke in the classroom!
关羽：此番前来，定要邀请的卧龙先生
We must invite Mr.Zhu Geliang!
张飞：必须的，老曹太欺负人了
Certainly,Mr.Cao bully us too much.
三人来到门前，石头剪子布
刘备：According to our custom？
关羽：OK.
张飞：No problem.
刘备三人进行石头剪子布，刘备输了，其余两人把刘备推到前面。
刘备作出一幅英勇就义的姿态，（上海滩响起） 刘备作按门铃状，（门铃声响起）。
诸葛亮：Bu liang（不亮）, go to open the door.
仆人：Heng!(哼)
仆人板着个脸到了门口，做了一个甩头的动作，并呼啦呼啦头发，然后深呼吸，放平稳，保持微笑。然后打开门，举了个躬。
仆人：안녕하세요(发音a ni ha sai yao~~~，中文意思：你好)
刘备：Can you speak English?
关羽：（紧接着刘备）Can you speak Chinese?
张飞：（紧接着）Can you speak Japanese?
刘备：（紧接着）Spanish?
关羽：（紧接着）Congolese?
张飞：（紧接着）Egyptian?
仆人：（紧接着）Shut up! Who are you people?
刘备：(摆个pose)I’m Liubei.
关羽：(也摆个pose)I’m Guanyu.
张飞：(同样摆个pose，把关羽碰倒了)I’m Sorry.
刘备三人赶紧把仆人扶起来。
猪不亮：你们怎么来的啊
What do you three take to come here?
张飞：骑马来的啊，做骑马状
Riding a horse ,of course.
猪不亮：那你们怎么骑马来的啊？
So,How do you riding a horse?
三人面面相觑，猪不亮关门
刘备突然明白了，“money！！”
张飞关羽耸肩都没带钱，下台
第二幕
三兄弟上台，张飞关羽手提礼品
关羽猥琐的说:这次应该可以了吧，上次也怨我们
I think we’ll manage it this time.
张飞：啥啊，如果你不是拉着我，老子一嗓子吼死他（做咆哮状，老虎声音）
What? If you don’t pull me,I will easily kill him with my strong throat! 刘备：行了，行了，我们来干啥来了
稍息。。。立正。。。（张飞关羽照做）
Stop,stop,What are we doing here? At ease!—Attention!
刘备：都给我机灵点（张飞关羽点头答应）
You three! Be clever this time!
屋子中„„
（英文歌，诸葛亮和猪不亮正喝酒，猪不亮哼着英语歌，他两个喝醉了）
诸葛亮：MY GOD！！上天你为什么这么惩罚我
My God!! Why do you punish me?!
猪不亮：老大别难过，班长杨超不也没过吗
Don’t be sad,my boss. As I know,our monitor does’t pass the examination. 诸葛亮：我的四级考试啊，开始哭．．．
What？our monitor does’t pass the examination？But，My English cet band 4 also losed···
（换背景音乐，猪不亮跟着哭，门铃响，猪不亮醉醺醺的摇摇晃晃去开门）
猪不亮：谁啊
Who’s this? 张飞：收水费的
I come here to charge the bill of electricity
（开门，三人一脸嬉笑）
刘备：我们又来了，麻烦小弟通报一下
We are here again,bother to notice your boss.
（猪不亮四下环顾，把礼品接过来了）
（屋子里传来悲伤的气息，张飞和关羽抹眼泪）
张飞：怎么突然一阵感伤涌上心头（自言自语）
I just feel some feeling of sorrow in my heart..
关羽：请问卧龙先生在家吗，我们想见一下（SEE）
Is Mr Zhu Ge home? We want to have a talk with him ,please.
猪不亮：吟诗，见与不见。。。
（你见，或者不见我
It’s doesn’t matter if you see me or not
我就在那里
I am standing right there
不悲不喜
With no emotion
你念，或者不念我
It’s doesn’t matter if you miss me or not
情就在那里
The feeling is right there
不来不去
And it isn’t going anywhere
你爱或者不爱我
It’s doesn’t matter）
（猪不亮转身关门，站不稳）
刘：What?！！
张飞：是不是家里死人了，下次再来吧
I’m afraid some-one important of him died here.
Let’s go. Maybe we should come next time.
关羽：希望死的不是诸葛亮
Oh, I wish Zhu Geliang does’t die„
（关羽，刘备打张飞，下台。。）
第三幕
（诸葛亮和猪不亮玩三国杀，背景音乐，术语）
（诸葛亮又赢了）
猪不亮：老大你真NB
You are the man !
诸葛亮：那是，你不想想我是干什么的，我打算过了年就去找刘备，找份工作
Hum！That’s a piece of cake. And I think I should go to Liu Bei’s corporation to find a job after Spring Festival.
猪不亮：你想去刘备那里？？
What? You said you wanna to go to Liu Bei’s company?
诸葛亮：嗯，那里用不着英语
En...That’s a good place in which I need not speak English. 猪不亮：前几天他来过了，让我赶跑了
But...uh, I drove him away a few days ago.
门铃响。。
猪不亮：说来就来了
Speak of the devil and he doth appear.
（三兄弟，大跨步的走进来，诸葛亮一见到很激动）
诸葛亮：大哥，想死我了（拥抱）你带我走吧
Boss! I ached for you so much, please help me!
刘备：镇定镇定，既然兄弟这么看得起我，那咱们就一起大干一场吧 Be calm. Since you trust me so much, let’s go and do it! （出发。。）
诸葛亮：大哥等等，那。。那，一月多少钱啊
Wait,wait...My boss, uh, how much will.. I get.. from you then. 张飞：（恐吓状）兄弟之间不谈钱，谈钱多伤感情，（拎着诸葛亮就走） It hurts feelings when it comes to money!
（猪不亮在后面拿着包袱，大喊）
猪不亮：带上我吧，（走路（小沈阳状））
Oh, Please take me away.
闭幕。。。。
好笑英语小话剧篇九：英语搞笑短剧剧本-西游记
搞笑英语话剧之西游记篇
人物 ： 唐僧 八戒 悟空 白骨精原型女 白骨精变形1 白骨精变形2 白骨
精原型男 女儿国国王 hope you guys enjoy it！ 改编作者 杜宛芸 成医学子
唐: Wow…boys! This place looks beautiful. Where we are now? Does any
one of you know something about it?
众徒弟们摇头，除了八戒在看书。
唐: 八戒, give me the map(不回头，懒洋洋的问)
唐:八戒， Give the map to me!（严肃的问）
唐：哼 !（唐生气地叫）pig ，Give the map……..(转过身看到八戒在看书)
唐:(很吃惊) wow！八戒，very good ! I hardly see you study！ . What kind of
book are you reading? Is it about Chinese or English?
八戒依旧看书，不理睬。
唐:(凑过去)let me have a look !
八戒才注意，赶忙藏书。但为时已晚，唐一把抢过。发现是封面女郎很惹火，眼
神立刻变得温柔，接过书开始看
唐：yo….xi…..(流口水，八戒看到，拿出卫生纸给唐僧擦，唐僧回过神来)
唐:（转身训斥八戒）how many times have I told you？ You are not
supposed to read books about beautiful girls! I will keep it for you until we
finish the journey …..(唐僧将画册掖到衣服里)
八戒:But…..,why? boss, why can‟t we think about girls? I just don‟t
understand…
唐:（叹气）哎，how many times have I told you？ ,This is because…oh 悟
空 dance to my song ！
(开始唱歌，Jackson的dangeous，悟空伴舞)
八戒:ok boss， I will listen to you！（无辜地表情）
唐:悟空,I am hungry.Go and get me some food…（四处看看）.where is 沙僧？, 悟空：he is feeding the horse . boss I„ll find some food and be back soon, 唐：ok….(悟空走了唐看见八戒还在这，正经地对八戒说) hey 八戒 I need to take a good rest . get out of here !give me some private space!
（八戒走后唐僧就偷袭着自言自语到眉毛上抬 使坏样）：嘿嘿 its time to call my little honey king of the girl country
唐:hi..sweetie how are you doing？(不解释….)
女:I am fine ,but I miss you very much ，after you left, I just can not stop recalling the days when we were together. 哼！ you seldom give me a call。 唐:oh darling….i am sorry. you know , these boys like to gossip about things like that. I can only call you when I am alone. But you know I love you from the bottom of my heart 。oh damn it ！…they are back! Honey I will call you the next time ok ！（挂断电话 一下装的很正经）
悟空: boss ， who are you calling ?
唐:er (支支吾吾的)I was just having a chat with Budda. where is my food? 悟空:here! Ive found some delicious bananas!
唐:banana，banana banana ! How many times do I have to tell you ？ I am a monk, instead of a monkey! I need rice rice(加重语气)！don‟t you understand? Go and give some to your brothers ok
悟空：摸摸头 ok boss 低头很沮丧 拿着香蕉向八戒走去
唐僧拿着香蕉，从衣服里掏出画册，做到一边边吃边看，边擦嘴…..
白骨精上场
白;Hahahaa…I know that any monster who eats master tang will live forever. how lucky I am, now they are in my place.笑着想想 oh , i can pretend to be a poor old lady, so they will trust me. 嘿嘿 I am really clever ……动感音乐响 白骨精1上场 和白骨精原形以舞蹈形式变换……双人舞完 ！
。
白1:嘿嘿I look great!
蹒跚的走过去
白1:hello, master.i have not eaten any food for days….can you spare some ? have mercy， may god bless you
唐：(瞄一眼，继续吃、看)what? Don‟t see I am starving too .get out of here, if you don‟t leave right now I will ask my money and pig to eat you 哼！ 白1：看看悟空和八戒 oh please don‟t do that I am leaving 蹒跚地离开 躲在一个离唐不远的地方。
悟空：走过来拿着香蕉 boss ，do you need some more bananas？
（悟空看到美女画册，急忙凑上去看，师傅把画册上下左右移动，悟空随之移动，师傅发现了，开始说：）
唐：, 悟空 ,you want to see it, dont you？ ,If you want to see it， you have to tell me that you want to see it, and I will give it to you ,let you see it but if you don‟t tell Me that you want to see it ， how can I know that you want to see it？ 。if you don‟t want to see it ，you also have to tell me that you don‟t want to see it 。then I wont let you see (悟空早已痛苦不堪，逃离此地)
唐：悟空！come back！ 哎。。。（唐僧摇摇头,继续看书)
白1:（远处偷看到画册）oh …. He is interested in girls 嘿嘿 !
变成了一个女的 音乐很慢幽 白1和白2 双人舞变换
说话一定要嗲
白2:（曼妙的走过来，碰一下唐僧，唐僧不转头边吃边看书：leave me alone. 白2再次碰一下，唐僧依然不转头：I said leave me alone！这时，白2开口说话） 白2:hi…. gentleman!
唐:（转头）wow…hi sexy lady!（扔掉画册，背景音乐响起，only you，神情对视，过会儿）come here ,do you want some food？take some bananes。 i am tang seng, you can call me Tanny
白2:oh Tanny…you are so friendly ,thanks for your banana。。。I just got lost ，and don‟t know where to go now！can you help me？
唐:yes of course, I will try my best to help you， you don‟t worry！ 八戒：朝唐僧看看：wow ，what a beautiful girl ！手拍拍悟空 look look 悟空:看到后 oh my god ！our boss is in danger now！
马上朝白2冲过去
悟空：“monster，I will kill you！“吓到白2 躲到唐的后面
唐:what are you doing？ monkey， don‟t be rude! this beautiful lady is my new friend！
悟空:boss, this is a monster， in order to get close to you。,she has changed herself into a charming girl ，she will eat you ！
唐:bullshit! you must be fed up with this trip to the west…..
（悟空执意要打，唐僧苦劝不听）
唐：I think ， you， little monkey need to be punished
悟空：（赶忙说）oh ,no , boss, please
唐:(叹气)哎唱着 it is so late to apologise。。。。。! 说 Money ， you deserve what you will suffer(摆姿势，要念咒语) ( 杰克逊的beat it ，，，，just beat it， beat it ，will you listen to me ？will you listen to me ？will you listen to me？ )
悟空抱头大叫：“oh boss enough enough。。。please stop stop I will listen to you“
八戒过来求情 ：“boss he cant stand it now看着悟空痛苦样，哦米拖佛 poor money！„
唐停止念咒 说：“ok、monkey, remember don‟t make such stupid mistakes again，you can go now „悟空抱着很痛的头摇摇晃晃的离开。
唐僧看着八戒：“八戒 you also have to leave here ，your ugly pig face will make my friend scared，go go go ！” 八戒不情愿地离开
白2:hahaha….，白2白原形一起双人舞变换成白原形 音乐很 恐怖
白原：idiot！ .look who I am （变回原样，唐僧大喊救命）i will eat you….
唐：啊 ！ 悟空 悟空 八戒 come back come back
白原：哈哈哈 shut up ！ no one can save you now！hahahahahha 仰天大笑唐掏偷偷出电话：“hi honey，I am in danger now，come and save me‟ ！be quick！„
白原看到将电话拿过扔掉
白原：‘哼，‟正要杀唐 做出姿势
女:“stop ！白原转过头来
好笑英语小话剧篇十：英语三人短剧__搞笑
顾客：小心，你的大拇指在我汤里了
服务员：别担心，先生，不是很烫！
A : Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!
B: Don't worry Sir it's not that hot!
一个服务员给顾客拿来了牛排，大拇指在牛肉上。
“你疯了吗？”顾客喊到，“你的手在我的牛排上！”
“什么？”服务员说，“你想让它再掉地上？”
A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.
A:Are you crazy?( yelled the customer ),with your hand on my steak? (What answers the waiter) You want it to fall on the floor again? 服务员：茶或咖啡？先生。
第一个顾客：我要茶
第二个顾客：我也是茶——杯子要干净的！
服务员：两杯茶，哪个要干净的杯子？
B:(Waiter:) Tea or coffee gentlemen?
A:I'll have tea.
C:(2nd customer:) Me too - and be sure the glass is clean!
(Waiter exits returns)
B:(Waiter:) Two teas. Which one asked for the clean glass?
创新句子：我坚持用干净杯子喝茶。
服务员，这只苍蝇在我汤里干什么？
看起来象是在仰泳，
A:Waiter what's this fly doing in my soup?
Um looks to me to be backstroke sir...
服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！
别担心，先生，面包里的蜘蛛会干掉它。
A:Waiter there's a fly in my soup!
B:Don't worry sir the spider on the breadroll will get 'em.
服务员，我汤里有只苍蝇！
不是，先生，那是蟑螂，苍蝇在你牛排里。
A:Waiter there's a fly in my soup!
C:No sir that's a cockroach the fly is on your steak.
服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！
别让别人看见，先生，要不别人都要。
A:Waiter there's a fly in my soup!
B:Keep it down sir or they'll all be wanting one.
服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！
我知道，先生，我们没有另收钱。
A:Waiter there's a fly in my soup!
C:Its OK Sir there's no extra charge!
服务员，汤里有只苍蝇！
对不起，先生，我弄走那三个时忘了这个。
A:Waiter there is a fly in my soup!
B:Sorry sir maybe I've forgotten it when I removed the other three. 服务员，汤里有只死苍蝇！
是的，先生，是开水杀死了它们。
A:Waiter there's a dead fly in my soup!
C:Yes sir it's the hot water that kills them.
话剧前半部分是荆珂刺秦王搞笑英语话剧剧本
（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.Action I太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：
Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众） I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister?
阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming.
太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!
阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~
（作杀状）太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，最好由观众来回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?
阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.
太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?
阿三：Yes.Action II（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）荆轲Are you Li mochou?李莫愁Yes.荆轲OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.李莫愁Are you challenging me? 荆轲Off course! 耸耸肩表示同意李莫愁Come on!音乐起两人冲上前来“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。。。”李莫愁倒地荆轲大笑李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?荆轲: We don\'t need any reason to win a person. Don\'t we? Do we? （赢一个人需要理由
么，不需要么，需要么？）李莫愁：Momma always said: \"Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you\'re gonna get.\" I got it, Momma is right.
荆轲再次大笑太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?
荆柯：Sure!太子丹：How are you?
羊肉串和纳税人（英文小品）
Characters:
Mr. Shi, Xiaofu, Dabao
Mr. Shi: Tax is the major source of the fiscal revenue. There is an evident change about the relationship between the tax collector and taxpayer in the past 20 years. Now, the tax collector, Xiaofu, and the tax payer Dabao, a vendor selling Yangrouchuan will show you the very change. The first Act happened in 1980s.
Act I
(in Bazaar of Beijing, sanlihe, 1980s)
Dabao: Yangrouchuan , yangrouchuan, eaten one ,want nine, eaten one, want nine.
Hi, Take my yangrouchuan.(slipped, take it up, )
Xiaofu: Tax! Pay the tax!
Dabao: (change faces)
Taxi? Where is the taxi? Here’s no taxi.
Xiaofu: Tax! T---A ---X!
Dabao: What’s the tax? I just know taxi! Do you want me to call a taxi for you?
Taxi----! Taxi----!
Xiaofu: Enough! Are you the vendor?
Dabao: No , No, No, no! I 'm just have a look. The vendor has gone to the toilet.
Xiaofu: Not the vendor ? Impossible! you 've been here for 2 hours. Dabao: Really ? (Xiaofu: Yes, of course.)
How do you know it?
Xiaofu: The window of my office is open to here and I 've been looking at you for two hours.
Dabao: It’s a big bug!
Xiaofu: Oh. Don’t waste my time! Please pay the tax---- 10 Yuan!
Dabao: 10 yuan?! My god. I had just earned 20 Yuan one day! 5 Yuan, ok? Xiaofu: Don't cheat me, you've sold more than 2 hundred ones.
Dabao: 6yuan, my dear sisiter.
7Yuan, my lovely beauty.
Dabao: Not for you ,not for me, let's split the difference. 8 yuan ,ok ? Xiaofu: (looking around) All right ,a deal. But no receipt.
(Dabao payed 8 yuan and Xiaofu left)
Dabao: What a smart woman! Bad luck! I’m bankrupt. I have to change my place.
Hope I would not meet her any more! Let’s go!
Act II
Mr. Shi: The next scene happened in new century. China had been marching in the way of the market economy for twenty years more, in the new era of building the well-off society in an all-round way, how do the vendor regard tax as and how is the tax collected? The scene will tell you. Let’s enjoy it!
(In the market; Dabao in white clothes ,a board with "NO SARS")
Dabao:: Yangrouchuan, yangrouchuan. Eaten one, want nine. Eaten one, want nine.
Xiaofu: Hi,
Dabao: Hi.
Two: What a familiar face.
Two: It’s you!
Dabao: 10 years past, you are a still a tax collector.
Xiaofu: 10 years past, you still sell Yangrouchuan.
How is your business?
Dabao: Everything is OK!
10 years past, you are still beautiful lady in Sanlihe of Beijing. Xiaofu: 10 years past, you and your Yangrouchuan look more clean than 20 years before.
Dabao: Thank you. No SARS, no dirtiness; Serve people, serve me. Xiaofu: Great! Have you„„
Dabao: Married? I ‘m not married; I’m still single.
Xiaofu: Have you claimed your tax this month?
Dabao: What? Taxi? Oh, tax! Of course. I should pay the tax of 50 Yuan this month and I have claimed at the begin of this month.
Xioafu: Your receipt, please.
Dabao: (shows the receipt )
Here you are, I have paid my tax in the tax service center by computer. Xiaofu: Great! What a good taxpayer you are.
Dabao: Thank you. It is my duty. I’m proud of myself to pay the tax for our country.
Xiaofu: Yeah! The tax you paid is a share of our country’s economy, and you do a lot for Olympics of Beijing!
Dabao: Let’s do it together! . It’s said that, Don't ask what your country can do for you but ask what you can do for your country. Just like me, sell Yangrouchuan, and pay the Tax for ten years more.
Xiaofu: You 're the loveliest people in new century!
Dabao: Thank you! And you 're the loveliest tax collector in new era! X: Excuse me, and I have to go now. Bye-bye.
D: A moment, are you free tomorrow evening? Could I have a dinner with you?
Xiaofu: Well, may I have the company of my husband?
Dabao: No, no, no problem. 6 o’clock in the evening, Beichuanyuan, ok? Xiaofu: just a kidding. I have to go home now.(leaves)
Dabao, See you tomorrow.
Dabao: Hope to see you everyday.
The End
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