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搞笑话剧今天和明天的英文版篇一：今天和明天(励志搞笑话剧剧本)
今天和明天
道具准备：小黑板一个、帽子一个、眼镜一副、桌子两张
人 物：解说员、老师、学生三个（甲——文静优雅，学习认真，严谨；乙——调皮捣蛋、典型的空想主义者，只说不做；丙——学校里面的“小混混”，没有奋斗目标，在学校度日如年；）
旁白：这是西阳中学八年级的一个班，接下来即将开始张老师的一堂语文课，我们一起来看他们班这些可爱的学生们。
甲：在课前正在埋头预习课本，显得认真而从容。
乙：如果真的有一天，我的老爸给我很多钱，如果真的有一天，我的宝马，跑在平凉的大路上„„（斜坐在课桌上，唱）
丙：行了行了，就你这小样，还想有很多钱，还想有跑车，简直是痴人做梦，（带着鄙视的眼神说），还是老古人说的好啊，龙生龙，凤生凤，老鼠生的儿子会打洞呀。 乙：你说啥，你怎么骂人呢，是不是欠揍呀，（起身，用手去拉丙的领口）
甲：你们能不能别吵了，一天叽叽喳喳的烦不烦人那，（很生气的样子）。你说你们两个，一个是白日做梦，一个是稀里糊涂的，也不知道一天趁着现在美好的时光，多学点东西，去追求一个好的未来，只说不做能出息吗？没有理想，度日如年的在学校能有出息吗，你们出息啦，太阳会从西边升起来，东边落下去？（意味深长的说，并用手从东边划过到西边）
乙：东方红，太阳升，咱班出来个李富翁，他为自己谋幸福啊，一天过得好自在，他为别人造噪音啊，影响他人不理睬。（自己编调子，唱出来）
丙：我呀，没有甲那么优秀的成绩，当然也更没有乙的傻样（起身，用手点着乙的头），我的生活是„„
乙，甲一起唱：世上只有周公好，有周公的孩子睡得好啊，睡--得--好！
旁白：叮铃铃，叮铃铃，上课的铃声响起。
老师精神焕发地走进了教师。（戴一副眼镜）
三位学生起立喊老师好（三位抑扬顿挫，错位喊），老师说同学们好，请坐。
老师领读：学而时习之，不亦说乎；行有余力，则以学文；敏而好学，不耻下问；知之者不
如好之者，好之者不如乐之者。
甲：认真跟读；乙：头埋在桌子下偷偷玩手机；丙：俯首桌子，睡得呼呼。（伴有轻微的呼噜声）
张老师：乙
乙：哦，仓促起立
老师：我看过这样一幅漫画，一只老鼠，将自己的尾巴接到电脑上，人家就兴奋地大喊自己与国际互联网接轨啦，因为人家当了鼠标。你是用什么和人家接轨啊？
乙：„„„„„„（低头不语）
老师：还是咱们的丙同学好啊，你们看看人家，两耳不闻课堂语，一心只读周公梦啊。
旁白：初中时代是多么美好啊，这里充满了欢乐，充满了我们羞涩的回忆，这也正就是我们的今天呀，有人说，少壮不努力，老大徒伤悲啊。那么接下来请让我们一起走进他们的明天！时光飞逝，转眼又是一个十年，十年后„„
甲：在初中时我刻苦学习，终于考上了平凉一中，又考上中南大学，毕业后，现在到一家很大很大的公司上班，有宝马开，有别墅住，生活还算可以；
乙：唉，我爸当初没有给了我很多钱，现如今啊，我再也没有做过白日梦，因为白天我都是开着自己的拖拉机，耕田种地，为祖国修理出一块平整的土地是我义不容辞的责任。
丙：等我一觉睡醒，老师不见了，周公不见了，只有我找不到方向的迷茫！
甲，乙，丙：世上没有后悔药，只有好好把握我们的今天，才能更好地拥有明天的美好生活！让我们一起努力吧！（一起大声说）
鞠躬，退下。
搞笑话剧今天和明天的英文版篇二：今天和明天(励志搞笑话剧剧本)
西阳中学八年级一班原创励志话剧剧本
今天和明天
创作 者：安红霞 马玲霞 李西红 李 鹏 兰志平 余亚琴 指导老师：任林鹏
道具准备：小黑板一个、帽子一个、眼镜一副、桌子两张
人 物：解说员、张老师、学生三个（马慧——文静优雅，学习认真，严谨；李小丫——调皮捣蛋、典型的空想主义者，只说不做；秦峰——学校里面的“小混混”，没有奋斗目标，在学校度日如年；）
旁白：这是西阳中学八年级的一个班，接下来即将开始张老师的一堂语文课，我们一起来看他们班这些可爱的学生们。
马 慧：在课前正在埋头预习课本，显得认真而从容。
李小丫：如果真的有一天，我的老爸给我很多钱，如果真的有一天，我的宝马，跑在平凉的大路上„„（斜坐在课桌上，唱）
秦 峰：行了行了，就你这小样，还想有很多钱，还想有跑车，简直是痴人做梦，（带着鄙视的眼神说），还是老古人说的好啊，龙生龙，凤生凤，老鼠生的儿子会打洞呀。 李小丫：你说啥，你怎么骂人呢，是不是欠揍呀，（起身，用手去拉秦峰的领口）
马慧：你们能不能别吵了，一天叽叽喳喳的烦不烦人那，（很生气的样子）。你说你们两个，一个是白日做梦，一个是稀里糊涂的，也不知道一天趁着现在美好的时光，多学点东西，去追求一个好的未来，只说不做能出息吗？没有理想，度日如年的在学校能有出息吗，你们出息啦，太阳会从西边升起来，东边落下去？（意味深长的说，并用手从东边划过到西边）
李小丫：东方红，太阳升，咱班出来个李富翁，他为自己谋幸福啊，一天过得好自在，他为别人造噪音啊，影响他人不理睬。（自己编调子，唱出来）
秦峰：我呀，没有马慧那么优秀的成绩，当然也更没有李小丫的傻样（起身，用手点着李小丫的头），我的生活是„„
李小丫，马慧一起唱：世上只有周公好，有周公的孩子睡得好啊，睡--得--好！
旁白：叮铃铃，叮铃铃，上课的铃声响起。
张老师精神焕发地走进了教师。（戴一副眼镜）
三位学生起立喊老师好（三位抑扬顿挫，错位喊），张老师说同学们好，请坐。
张老师领读：学而时习之，不亦说乎；行有余力，则以学文；敏而好学，不耻下问；知之者不如好之者，好之者不如乐之者。
马 慧：认真跟读；李小丫：头埋在桌子下偷偷玩手机；秦峰：俯首桌子，睡得呼呼。（伴有轻微的呼噜声）
张老师：李小丫
李小丫：哦，仓促起立
张老师：我看过这样一幅漫画，一只老鼠，将自己的尾巴接到电脑上，人家就兴奋地大喊自己与国际互联网接轨啦，因为人家当了鼠标。你是用什么和人家接轨啊？
李小丫：„„„„„„（低头不语）
张老师：还是咱们的秦峰同学好啊，你们看看人家，两耳不闻课堂语，一心只读周公梦啊。
旁白：初中时代是多么美好啊，这里充满了欢乐，充满了我们羞涩的回忆，这也正就是我们的今天呀，有人说，少壮不努力，老大徒伤悲啊。那么接下来请让我们一起走进他们的明天！时光飞逝，转眼又是一个十年，十年后„„
马 慧：在初中时我刻苦学习，终于考上了平凉一中，又考上中南大学，毕业后，现在到一家很大很大的公司上班，有宝马开，有别墅住，生活还算可以；
李小丫：唉，我爸当初没有给了我很多钱，现如今啊，我再也没有做过白日梦，因为白天我都是开着自己的拖拉机，耕田种地，为祖国修理出一块平整的土地是我义不容辞的责任。
秦峰：等我一觉睡醒，老师不见了，周公不见了，只有我找不到方向的迷茫！
马慧，李小丫，秦峰：世上没有后悔药，只有好好把握我们的今天，才能更好地拥有明天的美好生活！让我们一起努力吧！（一起大声说）
鞠躬，退下。
2011年11月19日星期六
搞笑话剧今天和明天的英文版篇三：搞笑英语话剧
搞笑英语话剧-别摸我
Don't Touch Me! 6人话剧剧本 剧本很短，适合短小品
Vicky和Lisa是某餐馆的服务员，一天，一个顾客对Vicky....
人物
Allen
Jim
Kuki
Fenix
Vicky
Lisa
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cast
1. Vicky︰a waitress at Monday’s restaurant. She is a hard working girl.
2. Lisa︰another waitress at Monday’s restaurant. She is a kind and naive girl.
3. Fenix︰one of customers. He’s a very ill-natured customer.
4. Allen and Tim︰customers at Monday’s restaurant. They’re good and decent men.
5. Kuki︰the boss of the restaurant.
Scene I
(One afternoon, there are many customers at the Monday’s restaurant.)
Vicky and Lisa talk and go to the kitchen, and then the boss, kuki, comes in, too.
Kuki: Hey, there are many customers today. Girls, work hard. Remember, God gives all things to industry.
Lisa: Yeah. I know.
Vicky: We will do our best.
The door opens now. Two men come in.
Kuki moves to the door.
Kuki: May I help you, sir? Two people? Come with me, I will take you to the table.
Allen: Yes, pleases.
Tim: I’m starving. I hope I can eat the best food in this restaurant right now. Kuki: (laughing) Just a moment.
Two men walk in the restaurant. Lisa walks toward them.
Vicky: This is the menu, sirs.
Allen＆Tim: Thank you.
After a few minutes. Lisa and Vicky walk to the kitchen.
Lisa: Hey, Vicky. I don’t like that customer. See, that man sits near the door.
Vicky: Why? Does he make any troubles for you?
Lisa: I don’t know. I feel…….Oh, I just don’t like the way he looks at me.
Scene II
Vicky delivers a dish to the table where Allen and Tim sit.
Vicky: (talks to herself) Lisa is right. The way that man looks at me makes me
uncomfortable.
Vicky delivers a dish again to Fenix’s table.
Vicky: Here is your meal, sir. Enjoy it, please.
Vicky turns to the kitchen. At this moment, Fenix touches her back!
Vicky: Wow~~~~ (she screams.)
Kuki: (runs to Vicky) what happened?
Vicky: He, he……He touched me!
Fenix: No!! I didn’t.
Lisa: You lie!! I see you did that. What I say is an absolute truth.
Other customers gather around them to see what is happening.
Kuki: Well, seeing is believing, sir……
Fenix: I feel humiliated. So, boss. You must solve this problem. Look at your Waitress. They are such tricky women.
Kuki: But, they say you did it……….Sir, I think…….
Fenix: What? You mean I am a pervert? Oh………Is this the way you serve your customers? You must give me an explanation today! Maybe giving me some money will make me forget it.
Lisa: You are a shameless cheater, liar.
The argument continues.
Scene III
Allen and Tim are angry for what they saw.
Allen: I won’t tolerate your behavior anymore.
Tim: That’s right. Come on, sir. It’s your fault. We all know that.
Fenix: Hmn? You think so? But I don’t think so. I mean, if the boss and the waitresses make an apology to me, I might leave early. Or I will stay and make sure that no other customers walk inside the restaurant.
Kuki: Oh……Don’t do that, please. Sir, you have to know it won’t do you any good.
Fenix: Yeah……it won’t do me any good unless you pay me some money for the humiliation you have caused me. You have disgraced me.
Tim: Such a liar, I can’t believe it!!
Fenix: Mind your own business.
Allen: (Takes out his badge.)See.
Fenix: Uh……
Allen: I’m a police officer. Maybe you know what I’ll do with you.
Fenix turns to the door quickly.
Everybody in the restaurant all claps and cheers for Allen.
Lisa: There is very few good people in our society. Many bad people bully the weak and fear the strong.
Tim: Yeah…….but trust me, justice will win.
Kuki: We are so lucky you are here. Thank you very much.
Allen: You are welcome. It’s just my duty.
搞笑话剧今天和明天的英文版篇四：搞笑英语话剧剧本
搞笑英语话剧剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》
搞笑7人剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》
演员表：西门吹雪、叶孤城、花满楼、king、路人、上官雪儿
旁白
道具：牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。
第一幕：决战紫荆城之颠
旁白：A quiet village is covered with white snow .
Birds are dancing in the cold .
A man is walking along the street ,step by step .
Wind is coming in silence.
Another mysterious man approaches .
Y与X相遇．
X：oH ,I am sorry to knock you !
Y:, Never mind baby.
X:Excuse me， who are you on earth? Could you tell me your name?
Y:,I won’t change my name! no matter what happens. I’m the most famous——-YeGucheng. Who are you?
X:Iamximenchuixue.
Y惊讶:Ar, ximenchui xue?the best MartialArts?
X:Great, you know me !Today is your dead date!
Y抱腿：Please, please…… Don’t kill me! Let me go!
X:No, I must kill you !
Y:I don’t want to be killed. There are a eighty-year-old mother and a three-year old son to be looked after by me!
X:No way! Because we are fighting now ! you know ?
Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don’t force me!
X:Pardon!
(Y拿出一袋牛奶)
X抢过牛奶:milk, very good ! I like drinking it. How do you know that?
Y:please drink it!
X喝完牛奶:Thanks,
Y:Do you still want to kill me ?
X:Sure, must! Milk is milk.
Y(恼怒+冷酷):Very good ! very good ! I hope you will not forget what you said!?
X:I’m sure I won’t!
Y:I must give you a lesson ! If I don’t beat you this time, you’ll never behave properly ! 3-2-1!
X捂着肚子，蹲下（做痛苦状）：Oach,Oach !
Y大笑：HaHa……the milk is exceed the time limit
（一人路过，x起身跑过去）
X可怜状: excuse me! Help , help , Where is the washroom?please ,tell me .
Y:Oh,I see ,go along this street and turn right when you see a corssing road!
X:Thanks,byebye.
Y:byebye (以胜利者的语气，转头,看见 花满楼)
Y:Who are you?
H:Hua—man—-lou! Have you seen ximenchuixue?
Y:Yes, he was beaten by me and is in “WC” .
H惊讶:Now you are the best in the world !
Y:You are right !
H:Teriffic ! you are the one my king looking for ! do you want join in us? If you follow my
king,he will give what you want.
Y:Yes,It’s very good.
H:Ok, follow me, Let’s go to see my king!
第二幕：无间道
H:My dearest ! let me introduce yegucheng to you! （指Y） this is yegucheng.
K:sit down plese, yegucheng.
Y:excuse me,I have a question.will you give me what I want just if I follow you?
King:yes,I will.
Y:That’s good. Can you give me a MM ?
K:of couse.You are the one who has the similar taste with me! Hahaha……
Y:of course.
美女出场
M:hello，帅锅..
K: this is shangguanxueer.ok,now let’s have a ritual.
H走到Y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，H神甫状:Yegucheng! Do you want to follow my king no matter
what happens such as cold headache , poor ,rich?
Y: Yes,I do.
K: Huamanlou, come . put the ring on his finger!（音乐停）
X唱着上:(看到戒指) this ring should be mine!
K:But who are you ? why should it belong to you?
Y急切: king! Dear king ! I must go now , my brother is looking for me.
X冷酷:yegucheng! Come here ! I want to tell you something!
Y抱X的腿:old brother ! Forgive me!
X:Forgive you? Why ?
Y: Once there was a chance before me , I lost it . If the god give me another chance, I’ll tell
you “ I love you ” , If the remustbea limited period,I hope it is thousand year!
X:You shall cheat me ! all you did are wrong ! how can you tell me the lady’s “WC”! Y:I like going lady’s WC .I……I……I think that you like what I like.(Ｙ又拿出一袋牛奶)
X:milk?I love you.
K:Don’t say that “you love me”. I’ll kill you for you saying dirty word to me !
X:What? (侧耳装着听不到) You—kill—-me?come, come…(Ｘ上去抓住K)
K:Fuck you. I must kill you!
X:How can you kill me? haha……
Y:Let me have a try! 3-2-1(X捂着肚子，蹲下)
M: oh,what happened?（看着X，做惊吓状）are you ok?（跑
到西门吹雪身边）
Y :do you want to go to wc?
X:Yes,I……I…… do.
Y:haha, the milk was added 三聚氰胺 beyond standards.
M: you , stupid , bad behavior ! go away !
K; why ? why do you help him ! who actually are you ?
M: actually,I’m a spy sended by LuXiaofeng,and I fell in love with ximenchuixue. K惊讶: !you—you—You are X’lover?
Y: do you know, you are the first person who cheated me ! I hate you .(轻声说)let me tell you,Ｘwill die.
M扑倒在Ｘ的身边：Ｘ,do’t die ,you should be alive ,there are much hope in the future and
tomorrow is a good beginning !
K:what a moving story ! I was impressed ! Y:life is a progress ,but it is depressed that it can not resume !
M: life is a progress ,and it is delight that it needn’t resume !
(M忽然将一把匕首插进Y的心脏，Ｋ吓跑.音乐《再见，警察》起)
Y痛苦状:I never anticipate you treat me by this ,why?tell me why?(Y死，音乐停)
（X咳，H扑到身边，电影《我的父亲母亲》原声音乐起）
M: X , oh , no ,you can’t die ,we will go home together .
X:go home ! ?
M:Tomorrow is another day ! even you have the last second to live ,you should be alive ,not only for me , but for our love.
X: promise me,you’ll get on well,and you’ll never let go.
M I promise . I will never let go（X死） ,
M: be alive !yeah , be alive ! be alive without ahendance !
搞笑话剧今天和明天的英文版篇五：搞笑英语话剧剧本
搞笑英语话剧剧本《 荆珂刺秦王》
旁白(Aside )/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman剑客 and was sent to kill king of Qin, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.
Action I
太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众） I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister? 阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming.
太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!
阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）
太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?
阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world. 太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?
阿三：Yes.
Action II
（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）
荆轲
Are you Li mochou?
李莫愁
Yes.
荆轲
OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world. 李莫愁
Are you challenging me?
荆轲
Off course! 耸耸肩表示同意
李莫愁
Come on!
音乐起
两人冲上前来
“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。。。”
李莫愁倒地
荆轲大笑
李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?
荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person. Don't we? Do we? （赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）
李莫愁：Momma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you're gonna get." I got it, Momma is right.
荆轲再次大笑
太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?
太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”? 荆柯：Sure!
太子丹：How are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?
太子丹晕倒
荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!
太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please? 荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：
To be or not to be, that's a question.
阿三：Hero，we need your help.
荆柯：I am busy now! （本文来自天空剧本网）
太子丹：You can get a lot of money.
荆柯：I am very busy now!
阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?
荆柯：I am very very busy now!
阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.
荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!
阿三：What? What’s the TCM?
荆柯; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.
阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?
观众甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .
太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new product of Unilever China.
荆柯（激动）：Slimming减食疗法 tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.
阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you
looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗……
荆柯(诚恳状) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.
太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!
Action Ш
（《大话西游》主题曲响起）
荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.
阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.
荆珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends
太子丹：I will miss you, baby.
（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）
荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.
妻子：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》）
荆珂(流泪) ：I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. (哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》) 妻子：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you.
荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor... promise me you will survive... that you will never give up... no matter what happens... no matter how hopeless... promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.
妻子:"I promise."
荆轲:"Never let go. “
妻子:"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."
（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。）
妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，
荆珂上船，渐渐远去
妻子：It’s a good day to die. Never come back. Never…… Never……
妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)： Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.
阿三：Okay okay!
旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.
结束！
搞笑话剧今天和明天的英文版篇六：搞笑英语话剧剧本
搞笑英语话剧剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》
搞笑7人剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》
演员表：
西门吹雪
叶孤城
花满楼
king
路人
上官雪儿
旁白
道具：牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。
第一幕：决战紫荆城之颠
旁白：A quiet village is covered with white snow .
Birds are dancing in the cold .
A man is walking along the street ,step by step .
Wind is coming in silence.
Another mysterious man approaches .
Y与X相遇．
X：oH ,I am sorry to knock you !
Y:, Never mind baby.
X:Excuse me， who are you on earth? Could you tell me your name?
Y:,I won’t change my name! no matter what happens. I’m the most famous——-YeGucheng.
Who are you?
X:Iamximenchuixue.
Y惊讶:Ar, ximenchui xue?the best MartialArts?
X:Great, you know me !Today is your dead date!
Y抱腿：Please, please…… Don’t kill me! Let me go!
X:No, I must kill you !
Y:I don’t want to be killed. There are a eighty-year-old mother and a three-year old son to
be looked after by me!
X:No way! Because we are fighting now ! you know ?
Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don’t force me!
X:Pardon!
(Y拿出一袋牛奶)
X抢过牛奶:milk, very good ! I like drinking it. How do you know that?
Y:please drink it!
X喝完牛奶:Thanks,
Y:Do you still want to kill me ?
X:Sure, must! Milk is milk.
Y(恼怒+冷酷):Very good ! very good ! I hope you will not forget what you said!?
X:I’m sure I won’t!
Y:I must give you a lesson ! If I don’t beat you this time, you’ll never behave properly !
3-2-1!
X捂着肚子，蹲下（做痛苦状）：Oach,Oach !
Y大笑：HaHa……the milk is exceed the time limit
（一人路过，x起身跑过去）
X可怜状: excuse me! Help , help , Where is the washroom?please ,tell me .
Y:Oh,I see ,go along this street and turn right when you see a corssing road!
X:Thanks,byebye.
Y:byebye (以胜利者的语气，转头,看见 花满楼)
Y:Who are you?
H:Hua—man—-lou! Have you seen ximenchuixue?
Y:Yes, he was beaten by me and is in “WC” .
H惊讶:Now you are the best in the world !
Y:You are right !
H:Teriffic ! you are the one my king looking for ! do you want join in us? If you follow my
king,he will give what you want.
Y:Yes,It’s very good.
H:Ok, follow me, Let’s go to see my king!
第二幕：无间道
H:My dearest ! let me introduce yegucheng to you! （指Y） this is yegucheng.
K:sit down plese, yegucheng.
Y:excuse me,I have a question.will you give me what I want just if I follow you?
King:yes,I will.
Y:That’s good. Can you give me a MM ?
K:of couse.You are the one who has the similar taste with me! Hahaha……
Y:of course.
美女出场
M:hello，帅锅..
K: this is shangguanxueer.ok,now let’s have a ritual.
H走到Y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，H神甫状:Yegucheng! Do you want to follow my king no matter
what happens such as cold headache , poor ,rich?
Y: Yes,I do.
K: Huamanlou, come . put the ring on his finger!（音乐停）
X唱着上:(看到戒指) this ring should be mine!
K:But who are you ? why should it belong to you?
Y急切: king! Dear king ! I must go now , my brother is looking for me.
X冷酷:yegucheng! Come here ! I want to tell you something!
Y抱X的腿:old brother ! Forgive me!
X:Forgive you? Why ?
Y: Once there was a chance before me , I lost it . If the god give me another chance, I’ll tell
you “ I love you ” , If the remustbea limited period,I hope it is thousand year!
X:You shall cheat me ! all you did are wrong ! how can you tell me the lady’s “WC”! Y:I like going lady’s WC .I……I……I think that you like what I like.(Ｙ又拿出一袋牛奶)
X:milk?I love you.
K:Don’t say that “you love me”. I’ll kill you for you saying dirty word to me !
X:What? (侧耳装着听不到) You—kill—-me?come, come…(Ｘ上去抓住K)
K:Fuck you. I must kill you!
X:How can you kill me? haha……
Y:Let me have a try! 3-2-1(X捂着肚子，蹲下)
M: oh,what happened?（看着X，做惊吓状）are you ok?（跑
到西门吹雪身边）
Y :do you want to go to wc?
X:Yes,I……I…… do.
Y:haha, the milk was added 三聚氰胺 beyond standards.
M: you , stupid , bad behavior ! go away !
K; why ? why do you help him ! who actually are you ?
M: actually,I’m a spy sended by LuXiaofeng,and I fell in love with ximenchuixue. K惊讶: !you—you—You are X’lover?
Y: do you know, you are the first person who cheated me ! I hate you .(轻声说)let me tell
you,Ｘwill die. M扑倒在Ｘ的身边：Ｘ,do’t die ,you should be alive ,there are much hope in the future and tomorrow is a good beginning !
K:what a moving story ! I was impressed !
Y:life is a progress ,but it is depressed that it can not resume !
M: life is a progress ,and it is delight that it needn’t resume !
(M忽然将一把匕首插进Y的心脏，Ｋ吓跑.音乐《再见，警察》起)
Y痛苦状:I never anticipate you treat me by this ,why?tell me why?(Y死，音乐停)
（X咳，H扑到身边，电影《我的父亲母亲》原声音乐起）
M: X , oh , no ,you can’t die ,we will go home together .
X:go home ! ?
M:Tomorrow is another day ! even you have the last second to live ,you should be alive ,not only for me , but for our love.
X: promise me,you’ll get on well,and you’ll never let go.
M I promise . I will never let go（X死） ,
M: be alive !yeah , be alive ! be alive without ahendance !
搞笑话剧今天和明天的英文版篇七：今天和明天(励志搞笑话剧剧本)
西阳中学八年级一班原创励志话剧剧本
今天和明天
创作 者：安红霞 马玲霞 李西红 李 鹏 兰志平 余亚琴 指导老师：任林鹏
道具准备：小黑板一个、帽子一个、眼镜一副、桌子两张
人 物：解说员、张老师、学生三个（马慧——文静优雅，学习认真，严谨；李小丫——调皮捣蛋、典型的空想主义者，只说不做；秦峰——学校里面的“小混混”，没有奋斗目标，在学校度日如年；）
旁白：这是西阳中学八年级的一个班，接下来即将开始张老师的一堂语文课，我们一起来看他们班这些可爱的学生们。
马 慧：在课前正在埋头预习课本，显得认真而从容。
李小丫：如果真的有一天，我的老爸给我很多钱，如果真的有一天，我的宝马，跑在平凉的大路上„„（斜坐在课桌上，唱）
秦 峰：行了行了，就你这小样，还想有很多钱，还想有跑车，简直是痴人做梦，（带着鄙视的眼神说），还是老古人说的好啊，龙生龙，凤生凤，老鼠生的儿子会打洞呀。 李小丫：你说啥，你怎么骂人呢，是不是欠揍呀，（起身，用手去拉秦峰的领口）
马慧：你们能不能别吵了，一天叽叽喳喳的烦不烦人那，（很生气的样子）。你说你们两个，一个是白日做梦，一个是稀里糊涂的，也不知道一天趁着现在美好的时光，多学点东西，去追求一个好的未来，只说不做能出息吗？没有理想，度日如年的在学校能有出息吗，你们出息啦，太阳会从西边升起来，东边落下去？（意味深长的说，并用手从东边划过到西边）
李小丫：东方红，太阳升，咱班出来个李富翁，他为自己谋幸福啊，一天过得好自在，他为别人造噪音啊，影响他人不理睬。（自己编调子，唱出来）
秦峰：我呀，没有马慧那么优秀的成绩，当然也更没有李小丫的傻样（起身，用手点着李小丫的头），我的生活是„„
李小丫，马慧一起唱：世上只有周公好，有周公的孩子睡得好啊，睡--得--好！
旁白：叮铃铃，叮铃铃，上课的铃声响起。
张老师精神焕发地走进了教师。（戴一副眼镜）
三位学生起立喊老师好（三位抑扬顿挫，错位喊），张老师说同学们好，请坐。
张老师领读：学而时习之，不亦说乎；行有余力，则以学文；敏而好学，不耻下问；知之者不如好之者，好之者不如乐之者。
马 慧：认真跟读；李小丫：头埋在桌子下偷偷玩手机；秦峰：俯首桌子，睡得呼呼。（伴有轻微的呼噜声）
张老师：李小丫
李小丫：哦，仓促起立
张老师：我看过这样一幅漫画，一只老鼠，将自己的尾巴接到电脑上，人家就兴奋地大喊自己与国际互联网接轨啦，因为人家当了鼠标。你是用什么和人家接轨啊？
李小丫：„„„„„„（低头不语）
张老师：还是咱们的秦峰同学好啊，你们看看人家，两耳不闻课堂语，一心只读周公梦啊。
旁白：初中时代是多么美好啊，这里充满了欢乐，充满了我们羞涩的回忆，这也正就是我们的今天呀，有人说，少壮不努力，老大徒伤悲啊。那么接下来请让我们一起走进他们的明天！时光飞逝，转眼又是一个十年，十年后„„
马 慧：在初中时我刻苦学习，终于考上了平凉一中，又考上中南大学，毕业后，现在到一家很大很大的公司上班，有宝马开，有别墅住，生活还算可以；
李小丫：唉，我爸当初没有给了我很多钱，现如今啊，我再也没有做过白日梦，因为白天我都是开着自己的拖拉机，耕田种地，为祖国修理出一块平整的土地是我义不容辞的责任。
秦峰：等我一觉睡醒，老师不见了，周公不见了，只有我找不到方向的迷茫！
马慧，李小丫，秦峰：世上没有后悔药，只有好好把握我们的今天，才能更好地拥有明天的美好生活！让我们一起努力吧！（一起大声说）
鞠躬，退下。
2011年11月19日星期六
搞笑话剧今天和明天的英文版篇八：英语搞笑话剧
搞笑话剧今天和明天的英文版篇九：搞笑英语话剧剧本.1doc
搞笑英语话剧剧本《 荆珂刺秦王》 旁白(Aside )/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous sword
搞笑英语话剧剧本《 荆珂刺秦王》
旁白(Aside )/介绍（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman剑客 and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.
Action I
太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众） I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister?
阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming.
太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!
阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）
太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?
阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.
太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?
阿三：Yes.
Action II（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）
荆轲
Are you Li mochou?
李莫愁
Yes.
荆轲
OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.
李莫愁
Are you challenging me?
荆轲
Off course! 耸耸肩表示同意
莫愁
Come on!
音乐起
两人冲上前来
“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。。。” 李莫愁倒地
荆轲大笑
李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?
荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person. Don't we? Do we? （赢
一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）
李莫愁：Momma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you're gonna get." I got it, Momma is right. 轲再次大笑
太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?
太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?
荆柯：Sure!
太子丹：How are you?
荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife?
太子丹晕倒
荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!
太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please? 荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：
To be or not to be, that's a question.
阿三：Hero，we need your help.
荆柯：I am busy now!
太子丹：You can get a lot of money.
荆柯：I am very busy now!
阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?
荆柯：I am very very busy now!
阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.
荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!
阿三：What? What’s the TCM?
荆柯; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.
阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?
观众甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .
太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new product of Unilever China.
荆柯（激动）：Slimming减食疗法 tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.
阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗„„
荆柯(诚恳状) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you. 太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!
Action Ш（《大话西游》主题曲响起）
荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.
阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.
荆珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends
太子丹：I will miss you, baby.
（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose
在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）
荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.
妻子：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》）
荆珂(流泪) ：I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. (哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)
妻子：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you. 荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor... promise me you will survive... that you will never give up... no matter what happens... no matter how hopeless... promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.
妻子:"I promise."
荆轲:"Never let go. “妻子:"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."
（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。） 妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，
荆珂上船，渐渐远去
妻子：It’s a good day to die. Never come back. Never„„ Never„„ 妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)： Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.
搞笑话剧今天和明天的英文版篇十：搞笑英语话剧剧本(修改版)[1]
搞笑英语话剧剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》
搞笑5人剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》
演员表：
西门吹雪
叶孤城
花满楼
打更的太监
旁白
道具：牛奶两袋，纸屑若干。
第一幕：决战乡村陌路
旁白：A quiet village is covered with white snow.
Birds are dancing in the cold.
A man is walking along the street, step by step.
Wind is coming in silence.
Another mysterious man approaches.
打更的太监：The weather is dry and things are flammable, take care not catch the fire! I’m 打酱油的！
Y与X相遇．
X：Ohm, I’m sorry to knock you!
Y: Ha-ha, Never mind baby.
X: Excuse me, Could you tell me your name?
Y: ha ha, I won’t change my name! No matter what happens. I’m the most famous——-YeGucheng（登登登登！！！）. Who are you?
X: I’m ximenchuixue.
Y(惊讶): Ar, ximenchuixue?
X: Yes, what is wrong?
Y: I heard that you are the best Martial Arts?
X: Great, you know me!
Y(抱腿)：Please, please…… Don’t kill me! Let me go!
X: No, I must kill you!
Y: I don’t want to be killed. Let me go!
X: No way! You know?
Y(突然站起冷冷的说)：Don’t force me!
X: Pardon!
(Y拿出一袋牛奶)
X(抢过牛奶):Milk, very good! I like drinking it.
Y: Please drink it!
X(喝完牛奶):Thanks, ha-ha
Y: Do you still want to kill me?
X: Sure, must! Milk is milk.
Y(恼怒+冷酷):Very good! Very good! I hope you will not forget what you said!?
X: I’m sure I won’t!
Y: I must give you a lesson! If I don’t beat you this time, I’ll never be having properly! 3-2-1-0
X(捂着肚子，蹲下)：Ouch, Ouch!
Y(大笑)：Ha Ha……
X(可怜状): Help! Help! Where is the washroom?
Y: What?
X: Toliet?
Y: What?
X: The “WC”?
Y: Oh, I see, go along this street and turn right when you see a crossing road! X: Thanks, bye-bye.
Y(掏出纸屑吹):This is genuine snow!
H: Stop! Protecting the environment is a basic obligation!
Y: Who are you?
H: Hua—man—-lou! Have you seen ximenchuixue?
Y: Yes, he was beaten by me and is in “WC” now, ha……
H(惊讶):Now you are the best in the world!
Y: You are right!
H: Teriffic! You are the one I’m looking for! Do you want to join in me? Y: Yes, It’s very good.
H: Ok, follow me; let’s go!
Y: Ok, Let’s go!
(To be continued…)