【www.guakaob.com--成人英语三级】
篇一:《搞笑说说》
1. 麦兜说：心情不好的时候，那就上厕所，上完之后，面部狰狞的对着马桶说：“你给我
吃屎吧你！”然后猛冲厕所！
2. 预备唱：希望你过的没我好，死得比我早，吃不好也睡不好，还特别的显老。——致对
我不好的人。
3. 终于知道这一套完整的句子：高端大气上档次，低调奢华有内涵。奔放洋气有深度，狂
拽炫酷屌炸天。简约时尚国际范，冷艳高贵接地气，时尚动感小清新，低端粗俗甩节操，土憋矫情无下限。
4. 小时候这样快乐过，帅过得童鞋，请举手！
5. 有一个表情是万能化解尴尬的：干嘛呢<抠鼻>，吃饭没<抠鼻>，我出去了<抠鼻>，出去
玩儿不<抠鼻>，我喜欢你<抠鼻>，你爱我不<抠鼻>。。。
6. 听人说只有长的高的才能叫高冷，长的矮的只能叫冰霜哥布林。
7. 其实最好的日子，无非是你在闹，他在笑，如此温暖过一生。
8. 一个人的成熟，并不表现在获得了多少成就上，而是面对那些厌恶的人和事，不迎合也
不抵触，只淡然一笑对之。当内心可以容纳很多自己不喜欢的事物时，这就叫气场！——苏芩
篇二:《幽默英语小故事》
He Won
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only one policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，„醉‟字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”
Hospitality幽默的英语说说。
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
好客幽默的英语说说。
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。
英语小笑话
上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著
性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的 一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是
A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟
能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了.
A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"且话偻蚰昴?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."
1,Two birls
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
2. The Fish Net
"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"幽默的英语说说。
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.
鱼网
"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。
"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。
3. The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."
新老师
9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。
"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。
"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。"
4. A physics Examination
Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.
The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?
Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.
一次物理考试
在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。
这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？
尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。
Jim‟s History Examination
Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination?
Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault. They asked him
things that happened before the poor boy was born.
吉姆的历史考试
舅舅：吉姆这孩子历史考得怎么样？
母亲：唉，糟透了。可话又说回来，这也不能怪他。嗨，他们尽问一些这个
可怜的孩子出生前的事儿。
Magic change
神奇变化
Gaga is a little duck. He is small, dirty and ugly. His friends don‟t like to play with him.
One day, Gaga walked behind his friends quietly(静悄悄地).But his friends did not want him. Gaga was very sad and ran to the river and cried loudly(大声地)。
Just then, a big beautiful bird heard(听见)him crying and flew down(飞下来，落下来). She said, “Please don‟t cry. Tell me, what do you want? I can help you.”
Gaga told the truth(真相). The beautiful bird said, “OK, I can help you to become a
good-looking duck.” Then she took out a blanket and put it on the duck‟s body. She said something which the little duck didn‟t understand. Then she took away the blanket. There stood (站立)a good-looking duck.幽默的英语说说。
Gaga was very happy. He thanked the big bird and quickly went to play with his friends
篇三:《【英语】美式幽默》
1. Is she big-boned?
她是不是很魁梧啊？
Big-bone看字面解释就知道是指骨架很粗大。这对美女(美国的女人) 来说是见怪不怪的。在电影Something about Mary中就有这一句，Is she big-boned?
那娇小的女子怎么说？娇小就是petite。很多从亚洲来女生来美国都抱怨买不到合适的衣服，其实很多店都有一区petite。去那里找找，保证你会有意想不到的收获。若是真的找不到，就试试teenager那儿也有许多合适的衣服。
2. We have a female shortage here。
我们这里闹女人荒。
由于我的学校是理工学院， 所以男女比例自然是不均匀， 有一次连老美也不禁感叹道， We have a female shortage here。这样的说法是不是听来很特别？其实我看根本就不只是female shortage而是 female drought。或是更夸张一点的讲法，We have a female extinction here。
3. You are a freaking Yankee。
你是怪怪的北方佬。
老美彼此之间很喜欢拿对方的出生地作文章。因为南北的差异， 所以或多或少北方人看不起南方人，南方人也看不起北方人。Yankee 是南北战争时北军的士兵叫Yankee, 现在一般指北方佬。而freaking是说这人很怪，或者解释成怪胎也可以。
4. I am laying low。
我躲起来了。
有一次我问一个老美， How are you doing? 结果他回我I am laying low。结果在场的老美都在笑，但是只有我听不懂。其实laying low就是说躲的低低的，怕被别人看到，就是想办法混就对了。事后老美跟我解释说这句话其实没那么好笑，主要是因为我听不懂，大家才又觉得更好笑。
5. I cut the cheese。
我放屁了。
一般人说放屁这个字都会用fart这个字， 但是cut the cheese也有放屁的意思在里面。为什么呢？因为大家想想切cheese时会发出什么声音？是不是和放屁很像呢？但是这样的用法似乎并不常用，我只在某部很烂的片子：Mysterious Man里听过一次。
6. Do you go out with your gun loaded?
你要带著你上膛的枪出门吗？
此枪非彼枪。大家应该知道我指的是什么样的 "枪", 这句也是我去看Something about Mary这部电影时学到的。使用时机就是有些男人出去跟女人约会，满脑子想的就是如何跟她上床，你要糗糗他，就可以这么说 Do you go out with your gun loaded? She probably will get hurt。
7. She is a big gossip。
她是八卦夫人。
Gossip平时指的是八卦新闻，但它也可以拿来形容一个人很八卦。所以She is a big
gossip就是说她是个八卦夫人。或是你也可以说， She is gossipy。中文里讲的广播电台在美国倒是不常见，反而是有另一种说说 She is an information bureau (她是情报局) 也蛮有趣的。
8. If the boys stare at you, they have guts to suck your teeth!
如果男生盯著你看，他们就有胆亲你。
这是我看电视Full House学来的， 是二个姐妹的对话，这句话有三个地方我觉的很棒， 第一个是stare at you, 就是指盯著人家看的意思，have guts 就是说有胆子的意思， (这是一个巧合，中文英文说有胆子都是说有勇气的意思！)而最后一个 suck your teeth 则是指亲嘴的意思，很有趣，但是像这种句子是小孩子说的，难登大雅之堂。
亲嘴还有另外一个口语的用法：smooch 例如 I didn't smooch that girl last night。我昨晚没亲那个女孩。
9. She is vertically challenged
她的身高受到了挑战
这样的说法就是说人家很矮的意思，但是是比较婉转 (political correctness) 的说法。什么challenged 就是说有某方面的障碍，如mentally challenged就是说心智障碍，也就是低能儿的意思。
关于这个political correctness老美也常用，不过中文并没有适当相对应的翻法。所谓的 political correctness就是说为了不得罪某一族群的人，而在用辞上加以修饰，让它听来不会歧视某一族群。例如 chairman这个字，可能会得罪某些女性主义者，所以就发明了chairperson这个字。这样子的转变，就可以算是 political correctness。
10. Where can I dump these white elephants?
这些无用的垃圾我要丢到哪里？
比如说家中的286计算机用之无味，弃之可惜，放在那里一摆就是好几年，这种垃圾就叫white elephant。只是这样的说法比较少见。不过有些人还是会这么用，我曾听一个老美他说，The fountain is a white elephant. 意思是，这个喷水池真是废物。
有些老美会在自家的庭院前办所谓的garage sale, 就是把一些家里很少用到的东西拿出来卖。有些人的告示上会写White elephant sale。如果你不知道whte elephant指的是无用之物的话，你可能会觉得蛮奇怪的，为什么有人在卖白大象呢？
篇四:《幽默的英语句子》
1、when two's pany， three's the result!
两个人的状态是不稳定的，三个人才是!
2、children in backseats cause accidents。 accidents in backseats cause children。
后排座位上的小孩会生出意外，后排座位上的意外会生出小孩。
3、god made relatives; thank god we can choose our friends。幽默的英语句子。
神决定了谁是你的亲戚，幸运的是在选择朋友方面他给了你留了余地。
4、there should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning。
应该有更好的方式开始新一天，而不是千篇一律的在每个上午都醒来。
5、never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today。
不要等明天交不上差再找借口，今天就要找好。
6、success is a relative term。 it brings so many relatives。幽默的英语句子。
成功是一个相关名词，他会给你带来很多不相关的亲戚(联系)。
7、a dress is like a barbed fence。 it protects the premises without restricting the view。
服饰就象铁丝网，它阻止你冒然行动但并不妨碍你尽情的观看。
8、every man should marry。 after all， happiness is not the only thing in life。
再快乐的单身汉迟早也会结婚，幸福不是永久的嘛。
9、love is photogenic。 it needs darkness to develop。
爱情就象照片，需要大量的暗房时间来培养。
10、the wise never marry， and when they marry they bee otherwise。
聪明人都是未婚的，结婚的人很难再聪明起来。
11、one should love animals。 they are so tasty。
每个人都应该热爱动物，因为它们很好吃。
12、the more you learn，the more you know， the more you know， the more you forget。 the more you forget， the less you know。 so why bother to learn。
学的越多，知道的越多，知道的越多，忘记的越多，忘记的越多，知道的越少，为什么学来着?
13、money is not everything。 there's mastercard visa。
钞票不是万能的，有时还需要信用卡。
14、save water。 shower with your girlfriend。
要节约用水，尽量和女友一起洗澡。
15、behind every successful man， there is a woman。 and behind every unsuccessful man， there are two。
每个成功男人的背后，都有一个女人。每个不成功男人的背后，都有两个。
16、work fascinates me。 i can look at it for hours!
“工作好有意思耶!”尤其是看着别人工作。
17、hard work never killed anybody。 but why take the risk 。
“努力工作不会导致死亡!”不过我不会用自己去证明。
18、love the neighbor。 but don't get caught。
要用心去爱你的邻居，不过不要让她的老公知道。
篇五:《优美的英文说说带翻译，QQ英文说说大全》
1．the worst feeling in the world is you can't fall in love with anyone else，because your heart still belongs to the one who broke it．上一篇：心情不好的一句经典语录
下一篇：关于结婚的唯美英文句子